Zotova Elizaveta
The work confirms the hypothesis that the cuckoo is a useful bird.
Download:
Preview:
Municipal budgetary educational institution
Gorbatov secondary school
Research work
“Is the mother cuckoo good?”
Completed: 3rd grade student
Zotova Elizaveta
Supervisor:
Lazneva Elena Vladimirovna
Gorbatov, 2016
Introduction ………………………………………………………………………… 3
- In the nests of which birds does the cuckoo throw its future?
offspring………………………………………………………………………………4-6
- Why is the cuckoo forced to throw up its chicks……………………7
- Does the cuckoo bring harm or benefit to nature……………………………...8
Conclusion …………………………………………………………………………9
References……………………………………………………………….10
Introduction
This summer I visited my grandmother. One day, not far from my house, I discovered a bird’s nest with eggs in it. What was unusual was that one of them was larger than the others. My grandmother and I didn’t know whose nest it was, but we assumed that maybe there was a cuckoo egg in it.
I knew that the cuckoo throws its eggs into other nests. I wanted to know why she does this? Can you call her a good mother, think about what the cuckoo does to nature - harm or benefit?
Hypothesis: I assumed that the cuckoo is a useful bird and must be a good mother.
To confirm my assumption, I conducted a survey among students primary classes. It was proposed to answer 2 questions: “Is the mother cuckoo good?”, “Is she a useful bird?” The following results were obtained: 39% of students believe that the cuckoo is a good mother, 58% believe that it is a bad one; 23% consider the cuckoo to be a harmful bird, 71% - a beneficial one.
The survey result confirmed my assumption by half and I wanted to know if my assumption was correct.
Target: studying the question of whether the cuckoo is a good mother; does it bring benefit or harm to nature.
Tasks:
- Find out into the nests of which birds the cuckoo throws its future offspring.
- Find out why the cuckoo is forced to throw up its chicks.
- Think about whether the cuckoo brings harm or benefit to nature.
To answer these questions, I read books, selected material on the Internet, and talked with my parents and teacher. As a result of the work done, I learned a lot of new and interesting things.
1. What kind of birds does the cuckoo throw into their nests?
your future offspring
The edge is flooded with sunshine,
Only the day has caught fire,
And the naughty cuckoo
Cook sat down in the shade.
Where is she? Nobody knows
Which one is the bitch sitting on?
Plays hide and seek with the sun
And shouts ku-ku to him!
Who among us has not heard the cuckoo? Her voice is familiar to everyone. It is loud, travels far and can be heard in spring and early summer everywhere: in forests, meadows, river valleys, mountains, suburban groves and parks. But few people think about what it is interesting bird! People have a dubious reputation for the cuckoo as a bad mother.As you know, the cuckoo abandons its offspring almost immediately after laying an egg. Although, why does he quit? Most likely, it prudently throws it into suitable nests. In what nests and what birds does the cuckoo throw its future offspring? Typically, fairly small birds are chosen to serve as foster bird parents. The nests of garden warblers, wagtails, and goldfinches are especially popular with the cuckoo. In addition, the cuckoo can throw eggs into the nest of a thrush, but it will never throw its offspring, for example, to a kite. Why is this happening? Most likely, it is in this sophisticated way that cuckoos “take care” of their offspring, which they will no longer see after being placed in someone else’s nest. The most interesting thing is that the birds do not find cuckoo eggs in their nest, since the cuckoo can lay eggs of different colors - it depends on what type of bird you have to throw the egg to. Of course, most likely, there are simply several varieties of cuckoos, each laying eggs for its own “bird”.A cuckoo that lays blue eggs lays them in the nests of birds that also lay blue eggs; carrying variegated ones - puts them with variegated ones, etc.
The formation of a cuckoo's egg is triggered by the sight of other birds' nests being built. And after 7-9 days, the cuckoo places the finished egg in this pre-looked nest. As a rule, by this time the owners’ own eggs are in the nest. The cuckoo lands directly on the nest and lays its egg in a matter of seconds.Some scientists claim that at the same time the cuckoo takes the egg lying there from the nest. But if you think about it, why would she do this? Firstly, birds cannot count; secondly, a completely different situation soon appears in the nest: instead of several, there is one chick; thirdly, the cuckoo throws out all its competitors, and it does not matter to him whether there is one more or one less.
In cases of death of the intended nest, the cuckoo is forced to lay an egg either on the ground or in another nest that turns up. The next egg of the cuckoo begins to form when it discovers another nest under construction.They also say that the male helps the female in laying eggs - he scares or distracts the owners of the nest. It is also said that the cuckoo continues to care for its eggs after they are laid. And sometimes she transfers a disturbed egg from one nest to another, which, in her opinion, is more reliable. Thus, for about 6 weeks, during which the cuckoo lays eggs, this bird has, perhaps, no less worries about hatching its chicks than other birds.
And, despite all these tricks, for every 5 cuckoo eggs thrown, only one !!! cuckoo Because some birds (wrens, warblers), having discovered someone else's egg, usually abandon their nests, even with their own eggs. Others make a new nest, covering the nest with the cuckoo's egg. Many species of birds simply throw someone else's egg out of the nest. Therefore, in order to continue the race, the cuckoo lays from 10 to 25 eggs per season.
So, having thrown eggs into several nests, one in each, the cuckoo calmly goes to South Africa for the winter. And tragedies play out in the nests.
The baby cuckoo hatches from the egg a day or two earlier than its half-brothers and sisters. This time is enough for him to get comfortable in the nest. He is still blind (the cuckoo's eyes open on the fifth day), still naked (but already quite strong - he weighs three grams, and can lift twice as much). But he has already developed an instinct for throwing away: he throws away any object that he touches with his bare back. Such items are primarily the eggs or chicks of the nest owners. By hoisting them on his back - the cuckoo chick even has a special area on his back for this - and helping himself with his bare wings, the cuckoo chick short term“cleanses” the nest for itself. The cuckoo is in a hurry - the throwing instinct lasts three to four days, then subsides. If he does not have time to throw out his competitors during this time, the chicks will remain in the nest. But they are still doomed: the cuckoo will intercept all the food that the “foster parents” bring. And the “foster parents” don’t seem to notice the changes that are happening in their nest. They feed their only chick with amazing diligence, although they could have realized long ago that this is not their chick at all.
The real reason for such “devotion” became known relatively recently, thanks to the research of the famous Dutch scientist N. Tienenbergen. It turns out that the bright red throat and yellow mouth of the cuckoo chick are a signal, and a very powerful one, forcing not only the “foster parents” to feed it, but also “stranger” birds that happen to be nearby to give the cuckoo chick food that they caught for their own chicks. At the same time, no one notices or takes into account the colossal size of the chick. Feeder birds sometimes sit on the back or head of their offspring, thrusting their entire heads into its wide-open mouth.
Only a month and a half after leaving the nest does the cuckoo begin to lead an independent life.
2. Why is the cuckoo forced to throw up its chicks?.
Among insects, especially among butterfly caterpillars, there are poisonous ones. Many birds do not eat them. And the cuckoo eats with pleasure. She won’t feed them to her children?! The chicks, although they are very voracious, have delicate, small necks, and they cannot swallow caterpillars. In an adult cuckoo, the stomach is designed in such a way that the “hair” of the caterpillars digs into a special coating of the walls, and then this coating is removed from the stomach along with the “hair”. So the cuckoo throws its eggs into the nests of other birds, so that these birds feed the cuckoos with tender midges and mosquitoes.
The cuckoo lays almost 20 eggs over the summer with long breaks.
The cuckoo is a caring mother!
3. The cuckoo brings harm or benefit to nature.
And in one day, the cuckoo eats 39 grasshoppers, 43 caterpillars, 5 chafer larvae, 3 butterfly pupae, 4 beetles and many ant eggs. But insatiability is not the only advantage of cuckoos. The cuckoo destroys many harmful insects, including many serious pests. An adult cuckoo can eat up to 100 caterpillars in 1 hour, and it can “work” with such intensity for several hours in a row. And if a lot of pests appear in the forest where the cuckoo lives, then the birds will work until they destroy all the harmful insects.
In other words, one cuckoo destroys many more harmful insects than all the birds killed by the cuckoo would destroy.
There are never many cuckoos in the forest. The habitat of each is quite large. Their numbers compared to the entire population of songbirds in the forest are completely negligible. If in some forest area there are more cuckoos than usual, this sure sign that it is in this area that a particularly dangerous invasion of caterpillars occurs. So for the forest, the cuckoo is a very useful bird, because by destroying millions of pests over the summer, it completely atones for its “guilt.”
Conclusion
It would seem that everything is clear, cuckoos are very harmful birds that destroy the chicks of many beneficial birds. And from here we could draw the appropriate conclusion and treat these birds accordingly. But we found out that this behavior of the cuckoo is not explained by the lack of maternal feelings, but, on the contrary, by concern for the preservation of its offspring.
My guess was confirmed. I learned a lot about the life of a cuckoo in nature.
The cuckoo is a very caring mother and a useful bird!
References
You can write a description of the cuckoo for children in an artistic or scientific style using the works provided.
Description of the cuckoo bird
Probably each of us knows who the cuckoo is. But few people know what she looks like.
The cuckoo is a very popular bird in our country. While walking through the forest, you repeatedly heard a quiet “cuckoo”. And what does this mysterious bird look like?
The cuckoo is small in size, similar to a wild pigeon. Sometimes its wingspan can reach fifty centimeters. But despite its greatness, the bird weighs very little: about one hundred and thirty grams. It has strong wings and short legs. Females and males even differ in color. Females usually have red feathers and a light gray breast with black stripes. Males are dark gray with dark stripes. Their beak is dark and their legs are orange. Cuckoos love to feast on various insects.
And among the people the cuckoo has a bad reputation. They say that there is no worse mother among birds. Instead of building her own nest, she finds someone else's. And while the chicks' parents are absent, she throws out one egg and places her own in its place. The little cuckoo hatches earlier. And it’s difficult to distinguish him from other kids. Therefore, future parents will have a hard time feeding their voracious foundling.
This is how she is - a beautiful, but such a cunning cuckoo.
Essay describing a cuckoo
Each of us knows the loud “cuckoo” sound well. It cannot be confused with the voice of another bird. Everyone also knows about the cuckoo’s habit of throwing eggs to other birds. But everyone remembers what a cuckoo looks like.
Cuckoo - no large bird. The length of the cuckoo is 30-40 cm, and the wingspan is 65 cm. It is considered one of the fastest, most agile and cautious birds in the world.
The cry of the cuckoo can be heard from afar, but due to its modest coloring and habit of hiding in the dense crowns of deciduous trees, it is really difficult to see the cuckoo.
Birds of both sexes are colored the same: the upper part of the body is dark gray, and the head and wings are brown. Cuckoos have a long tail, rounded at the end.
Chicks have a white patch on their necks, and their plumage is often reddish-brown. The cuckoo can be confused with the sparrowhawk because it has the same pointed wings and striped belly.
Brief description of the cuckoo
Cuckoo - famous bird in our area. This bird is fragile and small. Her singing can often be heard in forests and rivers.
The color of the cuckoo is predominantly gray. In an adult male, the entire upper side of the body, including the head, is dark gray. The throat and crop are also gray, but of a lighter ash hue. The belly is white, with dark transverse stripes. Females are brownish on top, the back is rusty-red with wide black and narrow white transverse stripes.
All mothers are not alike, just as children are not alike. Why is it important to talk about this? First of all, because in relationships with children we often pour out on them our unconscious experiences and fears accumulated throughout life. For example, a mother hen may be overprotective of a child due to anxiety or fear of loneliness, an investigator mother may resort to supercontrol due to nervous overstrain, and Baba Yaga mother instills fear in a little person because she is afraid of something. Psychologos.ru tells what kind of mothers there are.
Photo source: pixabay.com
We have conditionally identified various psychological types of mothers, talked about some negative character traits and behavior of the mother, so that the reader can look at himself from the outside, realize the shortcomings of his character, rebuild, if necessary, his relationship with the child and become a more mature and creative person.
We wish all mothers spiritual generosity and open-mindedness, kindness, not burdened by selfishness, egocentrism and rationalism.
Mother hen
The hen sacrifices herself to her priceless child. Monitors every step of the child, protects him from rain, sun, wind, and bad influences.
Eternal attempts to do everything for the child, to protect him from solving emerging problems and even to replace his peers sooner or later end in protest on the part of the child.
Excessive care for a growing child becomes unbearable. The mother fusses and shakes endlessly over the child, and he whines and is capricious, demanding and getting his way.
The mother hen always finds a reason for concern, shows the child to many doctors, and visits a variety of clinics with him. Such an attitude towards a child can only worsen the situation.
What is important to remember?
Gradually, as the child grows up, relieve yourself of responsibility and concern for the child’s personal affairs and transfer them to him. It is important to give your child a little more freedom and independence: first in play, and then in helping around the house.
Mama cuckoo
What do the behavior of mother and bird have in common? The cuckoo places its eggs with unhatched chicks in other people's nests. Mother cuckoo also shifts the care of her own child to someone else - to a grandmother or nanny.
What is important to remember?
So that the child does not become an obstacle to your life path, did not cause irritation and annoyance, give birth to him at the right time for you. Organize your life so that you are not distracted by doubts “to give birth or not,” exams, career, professional tasks.
Get ready for childbirth, for the arrival of a new person in your life who you need to take care of, spending almost all your time. Avoid any stress, do not get involved in quarrels and conflicts at work, with friends and loved ones.
Accept a child as a gift from fate: with exactly this appearance and of this gender. Put all your affairs aside for a while, and with joy and pleasure devote your life to caring for your child in the first years of his life. Remember that in the first days, months, years of life, emotions, the ability to communicate, and human contact, especially with mom, develop most actively.
Investigator Mom
The investigator mom is very energetic, emotional, and curious. This is a powerful and knowledgeable woman.
Excessive demands, the inability to assess your child’s abilities, and give him the right to make mistakes can lead to the fact that the child will first try not to say everything, hide or lie, just to avoid reproaches and punishments. And then the child’s whims, stubbornness, and neurotic behavior may appear.
Photo source: pixabay.com
What is important to remember?
You cannot accumulate dissatisfaction with your child’s behavior so that, having chosen the time, you can throw out all the “investigative materials” in an avalanche on your son or daughter.
Do not engage in a power struggle with your child. If suddenly a moment comes when he doesn’t want to fulfill your demands - “I don’t want to!” I won’t, that’s all!” - find out the reasons for this behavior. Perhaps the child is not satisfied with the requirement itself, but with your authoritarian, harsh tone.
There are few rules and prohibitions, but they must be constant and logical.
And the most important advice. If you feel that you are wrong, that your educational tactics resemble the position of an investigator, have the courage to admit it! Often a mother, afraid of losing authority in the eyes of her child, avoids admitting that she is wrong. However, you don’t have to analyze or admit your mistakes in upbringing, but what will you achieve in this case and what awaits you?
Mom - Baba Yaga
This mother is trying to achieve the child’s obedience by intimidating him with demands, achieving obedience with anger and irritation. If a little person acts in his own way, then most often punishment follows, including physical punishment.
Baba Yaga speaks rudely and peremptorily to children, only she knows what and how to do, so she points, commands, urges, belittles their sense of dignity, and does not allow children to be independent. She gets easily irritated and loses her temper. May scream and swear.
The mother becomes desperate at the slightest reason that, in her opinion, threatens the child with danger, and “infects” the baby with her state of intense anxiety and fear. He shifts the burden of his tension onto the shoulders of a still fragile person - a son or daughter.
What is important to remember?
Of course, it is necessary to teach children to be smart. And explain and lead too. But everything is good in moderation. There is no need for constant pressure on the child, control, intimidation, because sooner or later an unnecessary confrontation with his strong-willed beginning, with the emerging “I” will begin.
Create a cheerful atmosphere in the family, laugh, joke, and play with your child more often. Don’t expose your little person to unbearable experiences, let him grow up happy.
Mom-Princess
There are three types - the strict Nesmeyana, the cold Snow Queen, and the dreamy Sleeping Beauty. They all look alike.
- Mother - Princess Nesmeyana
Princess Nesmeyana raises her child too “correctly”, because most of all she is afraid of spoiling him. She is demanding and principled, ambitious and obligatory, restrained in expressing feelings and emotions, kindness and responsiveness, always worried and preoccupied with something. Nesmeyana loves to be ironic, find faults, teach, shame, read morals, and give instructions. This strict and prim mother does not laugh herself, and considers the noise, fun and running around of children to be an empty pastime and self-indulgence.
- Mom - Snow Queen
This mother is not only strict and unyielding, but also arrogant and vain. She commands from her throne, and the child is enveloped in icy cold. There is an icy desert between a calculating and selfish, tough and indifferent mother and her baby. She does not care about the experiences and mistakes, doubts and anxieties of the little person.
Photo source: We don’t know how to live on our own. Why do adult children live at the expense of their parents?
- Mom - Sleeping Beauty
Mom Sleeping Beauty is in the world of sleep and sweet dreams. She is in no hurry and doesn't worry about anything. This mother is relaxed and narcissistic, frustrated and waiting for change. Should a Beauty mother take care of everyday life, the needs of the child, his diapers or lessons? No, a child is too much of a burden; there are grandmothers for that.
What is important to remember?
A peculiarity of the parental relationship is the projection of the mother’s personal problems onto the child, that is, the adult accuses the little one of something that is inherent in him, but is not realized for a number of reasons.
The mother does not notice this deficiency in herself, but she clearly sees it in the baby and unconditionally demands what she herself is not an example of. The mother consciously says one thing, but does something completely different, trying to correct the behavior, character and even personality of the child, without trying to change herself.
Olga Shelopukho
What type of mother are you?
Introduction.
By nature ---- Research project environmental direction
In terms of content area ---- Mono-project.
By duration --- Short term
At the designers' place of work ---- Extracurricular project.
Products project activities: website (Internet), dictionary. articles.
Main part.
2.1. In the nests of which birds does the cuckoo throw its future offspring?
Conclusions.
Stages of work on the project:
Preparatory stage.
Research stage.
Stage of results and conclusions.
Project defense, presentation of results.
5. Research methods:
5. 1. - study and analysis of literature on this issue;
5. 2. - practical experiment, analysis of research results.
Literature.
"Is Mother Cuckoo Good?"
Introduction.
Relevance of the project.
One day, not far from my house, I discovered a bird’s nest with eggs in it. What was unusual was that one of them was larger than the others. Mom and I didn’t know whose nest it was, but we assumed that maybe there was a cuckoo egg in it. I knew that the cuckoo throws its eggs into other nests. I decided to find out why the cuckoo lays its eggs in other people’s nests, while other birds hatch and diligently feed their chicks themselves? Can she be called a good mother?
Project goal:
- find out why she does this, why the cuckoo is considered a bad mother and whether this is really so. does it bring benefit or harm to nature.
The subject of the study is the cuckoo.
Tasks:
Conduct a sociological survey among students at our school on this topic, find out what information my peers have.
Find out which birds the cuckoo throws its future offspring into the nests.
Find out why the cuckoo is forced to throw up its chicks.
Think about whether the cuckoo brings harm or benefit to nature.
Problematic issues:
What do we know about the cuckoo?
How does a cuckoo lay eggs?
Why does the cuckoo lay eggs in other people's nests?
Is the cuckoo a good mother or a bad one?
Hypothesis:
I assumed that the cuckoo was still a good mother, but was only forced to place her eggs in other nests for some reason.
1. What birds does the cuckoo throw into their nests?
your future offspring
The edge is flooded with sunshine,
Only the day has caught fire,
And the naughty cuckoo
Cook sat down in the shade.
Where is she? Nobody knows
Which one is the bitch sitting on?
Plays hide and seek with the sun
And shouts ku-ku to him!
2.2. Why does the cuckoo have to throw up its chicks?
1. The cuckoo pecks at huge quantities poisonous hairy caterpillars that other birds do not eat. The spiny hairs that protect the caterpillars are not digested, clogging the birds' stomachs. Adult cuckoos know how to clean it, periodically freeing themselves from hairballs, but cuckoo chicks do not.
Therefore, the cuckoo does not risk feeding babies itself, so as not to expose children to such a risk. So the cuckoo throws its eggs into other people’s nests so that these birds feed the cuckoos with tender midges and mosquitoes.
2. During the season, the cuckoo lays up to 15 eggs (2-3 eggs per week). The chicks hatch gradually. So, even if the cuckoo sat on the nest, it would be almost impossible for it to “raise” the chicks: when the first one already needs to be fed, the second one still needs to be hatched. .
3. Before the cuckoo places all its 5 7 eggs in other people’s nests, it has to work hard while looking for suitable nests
Conclusion: the cuckoo is a caring mother.
2.3. Does the cuckoo bring harm or benefit to nature?
But is the cuckoo as harmful as it seems?
Where the cuckoo lives, there is no breeding of harmful insects. One cuckoo brings much more benefit to the forest than all the birds destroyed by the cuckoo. So for the forest, the cuckoo is a very useful bird, because by destroying millions of pests over the summer it completely atones for its “guilt.” There are never many cuckoos in the forest. Their numbers compared to others forest birds very little.
Conclusion It would seem that everything is clear, cuckoos are very harmful birds that destroy the chicks of many beneficial birds. But I found out that this behavior of the cuckoo is not explained by a lack of maternal feeling, but, on the contrary, by concern for the preservation of its offspring.
My guess was confirmed.
Cuckoo - very smart bird, caring mother. And the cuckoo is the most useful bird! There are cases when they saved entire oak groves, gardens and parks from the invasion of various pests.
Therefore, do not scold the cuckoo that she is a bad mother. Just listen to how she cuckoos. Apart from the years of life, this is reassuring.
Perspective:
I learned a lot about the life of a cuckoo in nature. But I wondered why people paid so much attention to this bird in their songs, poems, proverbs, and sayings? I decided the following research work devote to studying the meaning of the cuckoo in human life.
References
Belavina, I.G., Naidenskaya, N.G. Kukushkino name [Text]/ I.G. Belavina, N.G. Naydenskaya // The planet is our home. Textbook - a reader on the basics of ecology for preschoolers and primary schoolchildren. - M.: “Laida”, 1995.-
With. 265-267.
Bochurina, O.A., Korovkin, V.A., Mikhailov, N.N. Why the cuckoo doesn’t build nests [Text]/ O.A. Bochurina, V.A. Korovkin, N.N. Mikhailov // All about everything. – M.: Klyus - S, 1994.- p. 432-433.
Cuckoo mothers. This is the common name for those who abandoned their child. This most often means a complete renunciation of motherhood. However, some psychologists also use this term for those who have delegated their parenting powers to third parties. Some experts actually equate partial and complete abandonment of a child. How fair is this - who knows?
Most often, children are handed over to their grandmothers to raise them. But not necessarily. Sometimes the role of “deputies” is played by brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, or even worse, by older children.
Ira and Ivan’s mother is a first-class specialist, whom employers are tearing to pieces. But for some reason there is no use for her talents in her hometown. That is why a woman travels around cities and villages, not forgetting about her husband - wherever she gets a job, she will definitely get a place for him. One salary is good, but two is always better. But shouldn’t we also tear children away from their homes? Moreover, they are already big, they can handle it themselves.
The children are really not kindergarteners: Ira recently turned eighteen, Ivan - thirteen. The boy is going through a difficult transition - he abandoned his studies and practically lives on the street. His sister is trying to reason with him as best she can. He doesn’t listen, even though she has been his mother since childhood. Anything can happen - sometimes it even comes to fights, but mom and dad are sure that their presence will not change anything, and at least there will be money. Including the maintenance of your beloved children. Others have it worse, and nothing. They live.
In this situation, the mother did not act very fairly towards both children: she left her son in difficult period his life and placed an exorbitant burden on her daughter’s shoulders.
The reasons that force a woman to give up her debt may be different. Sometimes this is an objective need to support the family, and sometimes it is banal selfishness hiding behind this motive.
Sveta has a mother hen. She devoted her whole life to serving children and raised two selfish people. Everyone has their own story. Svetina is quite prosperous. At nineteen, she deliberately gave birth to a child from a random friend - “I always dreamed of a girl friend, with a minimal age difference.” Of course, she immediately hung the newborn around her grandmother’s neck. And she’s glad. Three years after the birth of the baby, Svetka went to Moscow with her things to conquer her and dispel her melancholy.
Mother tensed up and bought an apartment in the capital. Soon things went well for the daughter, and she took the child for herself. Grandmother followed. Needless to say, she again takes a very active part in raising Sveta’s daughter?
Sometimes cuckoo mothers nominally do not leave the child, but see him so rarely that he begins to experience filial (filial) feelings for the “deputy.” And here, too, problems can arise.
Because in reality, a mother usually wants to remain a mother. Jealousy kicks in, and the child finds himself drawn into a conflict between two people close to him.
This happens especially often if he is raised by his mother-in-law or nanny. And, if you can’t get rid of the first one so easily, then the second one can be quickly replaced. The mother is happy, the child received another injury and negative experience. He is convinced that everyone he loves is betraying and abandoning him. IN mature age this will definitely come back to haunt you.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with temporary “substitutes”. If the mother is forced to work, but at the same time the interests of the child are a priority for her, if difficult situation gives up everything to help - violations of attachments are unlikely to happen.
“If a woman does not feel motherhood as an area of her self-realization and understands that she does not want to spend much time with the child, it makes sense to look for a permanent substitute: a father, grandmother or a permanent nanny.
But in this case, the mother will have to agree that the nanny, dad, or grandmother will become the child’s main attachment. In general, for many years the propertied classes lived like this, and the mother actually began to take care of the child in his adulthood. So, for example, we all know the name of Pushkin’s nanny, but we don’t know what his mother’s name was, right? If mom is happy with this situation, then everything is fine,” warns Lyudmila Petranovskaya in an interview for the magazineForbes.
The trouble is that often the mother is not happy with this arrangement. She wants to remain the main person for the child solely due to the fact of motherhood. The baby becomes attached to those who are with him in the most difficult moments of life. He is not obliged to have warm feelings for those whom he does not know and sees only on holidays. Having not learned this in childhood, in adulthood he will most likely also show callousness and detachment towards them.
V.E. Makovsky - Two mothers. Mother is adopted and natural. 1905-06
The plot of the painting, according to the artist, was taken from life. A married couple took in a boy, but a few years later the woman who gave birth to him appeared and claimed parental rights to him.
Ruslan is my son's classmate. A strange child whom children do not like or accept. Deceitful, dodgy, incomprehensible and very, very unhappy. He is raised by his grandmother, a simple and talkative woman, so all the parents of his classmates are privy to the boy’s story.
So, thanks to grandmother’s incontinence, we learned that Rusik’s father went to prison several years ago for some kind of economic fraud. The boy’s mother, a long-legged blonde, did not pretend to be a Decembrist. Immediately after her husband’s arrest, she promptly divorced and very soon remarried. And that’s true - you need to “forge iron” while beauty is liquid. A daughter appeared in the new marriage, and the son found himself out of work. Out of sight, out of mind - he was sent to his grandmother. She tries as best she can, but what happens is what happens.
“There’s no getting along with him,” she complains in once again. - He’s rude, he’s rude, he doesn’t listen. I took him to my mother, they got into a fight, and she threw him out.
Parents of nine-year-olds listen with their mouths open. They understand that all their problems with children are just that... Flowers. That's where life is, that's where drama is.
It is unknown what the boy’s fate will be, but it is already clear to those around him that he is in dire need of psychological help.
I'm not trying to put on a Cassandra mask and predict a terrible future for him. In fact, every person has enormous potential for psychological recovery, and there is probably no wound that cannot be healed. An example is my friend Tatyana, who had a very domineering grandmother.
On the contrary, my mother is weak-willed. This determined Tanya’s fate - immediately after her birth, her grandmother kicked her parents out the door, leaving the child for herself.
- So what do you have? Like Sanaev in “Bury me behind the baseboard,” I, with my mouth open, listen to my friend’s stories about the ice cream heated by my grandmother and the ban on any sports.
“Sanaev has a light version,” she laughs.
She forgave both of them long ago. Forgave, let go, does not harbor resentment or evil. What it cost her, only she and her therapist know. The wounds healed, the scars remained, but she learned to live with it. Tanya raises her children (and she has three of them) in the spirit of non-violence and the absence of any control, which is why she is considered a strange and careless mother.
Tanya did it, Tanya did it, although it was very difficult. Unfortunately, experience shows that this is not always the case. Suffice it to recall the stories of Soviet-era celebrities who sacrificed motherhood in favor of a career. Their destinies and the destinies of their children have been dissected under a microscope by domestic TV, so there is no point in repeating themselves. I will only note that both adult children and their mothers often suffer, as in old age they find themselves of no use to anyone. At the end of their lives, they experience the same feelings as their children - uselessness and abandonment.
To some extent, “half-orphanhood” is worse than complete orphanhood, since a child who has lost his parents may be offended by the injustice of the world and angry at fate, but is unlikely to blame himself for what happened. “Half-orphans” almost always do this. “Mom left me, mom doesn’t need me because I’m bad.”
This does not at all mean that the mother is obligated to sacrifice herself or give up her personal happiness and career. However, putting them at the forefront, forgetting about your main (whatever one may say, this is the case) role, is also wrong. Let the nanny and (or) grandmother spend time with the child, let him go to kindergarten and stays at school for extended periods, but at the most crucial moments of his life, in the most difficult situations, his mother should be nearby.
It is not my job to brand anyone with shame. Life is a complex thing, a person’s personality is formed under the influence of many factors, and circumstances vary, but I am convinced that even a not very good mother is better than a wonderful grandmother.
The child needs a mother. And she needs him, because men come and go, careers end sooner or later, and only children forever. Trite? But what to do if the wisest truths have long been hackneyed and are rarely distinguished by originality?
Loading...
