Helping people is a very important part of our life. You can help with a good deed, word, deed. Thanks to the manifestation of kindness on the part of even one person, another can cope with illness, bad mood, unpleasant life events. It is a pity that in today's cruel world, not everyone knows how to help. Often people are just busy with something all the time and hardly think about anything other than achieving their own goals. Today it is not at all easy to meet a person who is ready to help another person completely free of charge. But such people exist, believe me!
Helping someone in need is not really difficult. Helping others is both the care that we show for the sick or the elderly, and kind words, words of understanding and sympathy for those for whom they are now of particular value. Sometimes we even unconsciously do a good deed. Called my best friend, and he was upset. We talked to him, reassured him, helped solve the problem, or at least gave some advice. So a friend begins to understand that he is not alone, this encourages him. He feels that there is a person next to him who will always give him a helping hand.
There is no need to wait for a certain moment in order to help a person. Our mothers and fathers, grandparents deserve special respect, so we must always help them, listen to advice, and not make them worry about us. Elementary care for the health of relatives, doing household chores, good behavior is also help.
Sometimes a complete stranger needs help on the street, on the subway, on the train, in the store, in the park, or anywhere else. If you have such an opportunity, then you definitely need to help. After all, someday you may need help, it’s good if a kind person is nearby. Our actions always come back to us, the so-called "boomerang effect" is triggered. So good will surely return good.
People! Help each other! Together we can make the world a little better!
Together with the article “Essay on the topic “How can I help others?” read:
IStock/Mixmike I wanted to write about this six years ago when my husband had a stroke. But at first it was not up to that, and then it was not up to that, and only then it began to seem that there was no need. In addition, I know that my words will offend someone, and when in doubt, I always remember Tsvetaev’s words: “You can’t change people, but you don’t need to offend.”
But last night, when I was standing at the hospital elevator, almost sliding down the wall and trying to remember if I had eaten anything during the day, my phone rang. Our old friend called. “Well,” I heard demanding. “Tell me what happened to Seryozha.” I told. “Well, keep us posted,” they told me in response. “Call us at least once a day.” I replied that it was impossible. I can't call dozens of people a day. The friend was offended. “Well, will it be better if I call you every day?” - she said.
And at that moment I realized that I would still write this difficult text. Not for such people - you definitely can’t change them - but for yourself. Our life is so arranged that misfortunes happen in it. People we know end up in the hospital with terrible diagnoses, get into car accidents, become victims of bandits, and generally disappear. We react to this very emotionally, we are worried, we want to know the details, to do something. And sometimes, in the wake of our experiences, we do things that only worsen an already difficult situation. I understand that I do the same. Therefore, I decided to write down everything that I see from the inside, and promised myself to reread this entry the next time I encounter someone's grief "outside." So what to do, or rather what not to do.
1. Don't call relatives
Of course, if you are a best friend and you are sure that one sound of your voice will support people on the other end of the line, it is a different matter. But if you are a colleague, a classmate, a classmate, a drinking buddy, a dancing or fishing partner, if you rested together at a camp site or played in the sand (the list is surprisingly diverse and endless) - do not call. Close people are not up to you. Yes, you are very worried and want to know all the details, but try to remember that your loved ones are much, much worse than you. They are mentally and physically exhausted, they have experienced terrible scenes, soul-stirring conversations, they are exhausted by communication with doctors or the police, they are scared, they cry and tremble with fatigue. They cannot relax and constantly have to make important decisions.And at the same time, no one cancels all the necessities of ordinary life. From the outside, it may seem that grief is all that is happening to people now, but in fact, even in the midst of grief, children have to go to school and kindergarten, someone has to cook dinner and walk the dog, and work remains work. And it also happens that the work of the "retired" family member becomes an additional work of the remaining ones.
In addition, close people need a phone for important things. I remember how six years ago I held the phone in my hands and waited for a call about transfer to another hospital. I barely got a transfer and could not miss this call - there was even nowhere to call back - and at that time my husband's colleague called me. I answered her call - she called again. And so six times in a row.
Phone calls drain much faster. And there is nowhere to charge it.
2. if the person is in the hospital, do not call the hospital department
Last time we had a disaster with this item. Everyone was sitting at home and was very worried, and therefore cut off the phone in intensive care, where the staff already has something to do. And I rushed to the hospital, trying to see the doctor at least with one eye, and be sure, already on the second day I flew in because of these calls on the first day. You can be the best medical specialist in the world, able to give the staff a lot of valuable advice. But the health of the patient will not depend on you, but on the nurse. Don't annoy the nurses.3. If you certainly want to contact relatives - write.
Text messages, letters, remarks in the chat. They can be read at your convenience.4. Do not ask, either verbally or in writing
Think honestly: why do you need details? If they are reported to you, will it somehow help the sick (injured, missing ...)? To be honest, this is just a manifestation of ordinary human curiosity, which is attracted to misfortunes like a magnet. It is very painful to retell again and again disappointing forecasts, heartbreaking details and sad statistics. And even when the forecasts are comforting, and the statistics are encouraging, it is very painful all the same.Today they are comforting, but tomorrow they are not again, everything changes, and no one will give guarantees. If you really itching, find those who know more - we are in the digital age, after all. And leave your family alone.
Special greetings to those who demand to be updated daily on the state of affairs, "because they are very worried." Count how many close relatives a person has - children, parents, sisters, brothers. We have, for example, ten of them. Naturally, they want to know what is going on, and, oddly enough, they have a priority right to this. Only it takes a lot of time to retell the events of the day to close relatives.
9. About money
It is very difficult to receive money. (Yes, of course, sometimes money is collected for surgery, treatment, and so on, but I'm not talking about this case) Ask: "Do you need money?" - and you are guaranteed to answer "no". It's like with "any help", consider that you did not offer. If you really want to help someone with money, don't ask if they need it. Say: “We raised money. How to transfer them? Or just bring and give.If someone you love very much is in a difficult situation right now and needs your support, please read this text.
If someone you love very much is in a difficult situation right now and needs your support, please read this text.It's about the right support. And about how the wrong support looks through the eyes of a person who feels bad.
What you need to know if you want to help
Imagine that you have an orange. And I really need an apple. Well, very much.
And to your question "How to help?" I can only answer like this: "Find an apple."
But you have your own life and a lot of things to do. And where to look for it, is it an apple? And why waste time searching?But you can’t remain indifferent, because you love and respect me. And generally speaking.
So you say generously and insistently: "Here, take an orange. Don't wander around."
I don't need an orange. I am now allergic to citrus. I politely say, "No, thank you."
No, take it, - you get angry, inwardly considering me an ungrateful bitch. You're giving away your orange for free! And he is dear to you, by the way. I could appreciate it.
And I spend energy and emotions, and explain what is an allergy, and what is not necessary, and what ... Okay, let's. It is easier to take than to explain what is not necessary. I take, see? Thanks.
And here I sit, littered with oranges up to the top of my head. I'm sad because there is no apple. I'm looking for the positives. I find one. At least it is that the giver of the orange goes home happy, with the realization that he is a savior. Helper. And generally well done.
And that's what I think. No need to help, generously pushing what is. We must help by giving what is asked. Do you understand?
It seems that we were told that we need to help grandmothers cross the road, but they forgot to say that not all grandmothers need to go to the other side.
Dfriends, it is not necessary to treat and teach without a request. No need to shove your experience. Don't give unsolicited advice.
I did not take my child to Moscow and stayed for treatment in the Moscow region, because she became ill so quickly and so sharply that she could .... not get there. And I made the decision to stay. My decision is my responsibility.
Was I scared? Yes. On a scale of 11 out of 10. Did I recognize the risks? Yes, to the fullest. Do you know what was the most painful thing that night? Read hundreds of tips that begin with the phrase: "We must take to Moscow! ..." or something else like: "Urgent! Take to Israel!", "Olya, do not hesitate, blow to Germany!"
Yes? Where else?Tips poured generously from friends and relatives. I couldn't turn off my phone. He is my connection to the world, doctors and those who gave real support.
Do you know what she is? Well, is it real? She is delicate. Unobtrusive. She is soft and enveloping. She is lulling.
It consists of phrases:
I pray for you;
You are doing everything right;
If you need anything - just say;
Dear, I'm near.I'm with you. Here is my hand.
Think positive.
Let's come up with a plan of action, shall we?
It is very important to hear apples. And evaluate your oranges. If there are no apples among them, then it is better not to. Well, true.
You will not help, but simply take away a pinch of nerves. Tiny. But if you multiply it by the number of people who also extend their citrus, then you get a lot. Just a lot.
A person who feels bad is most often able to formulate what he wants. Because he is mobilized to survive and clearly understands what is stopping him. And, believe me, he does not flirt.
If he asks not to disturb - do not disturb. If you want to talk, talk. If he wants to shut up, shut up.
I have a girlfriend. She is far away, in another country, and cannot help me. But she calls to... keep me quiet on the phone. And this silence is more valuable than words. It smells like apples. With her silence, she tells me so many necessary, smooth, encouraging things that I cry into the phone with tears of relief.
Please, I conjure you, if you love, if you really want to help someone, then just LISTEN to him. And find him apples.published . If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project .
20 years without patriotism and morality
Last weekend, Vladimir Putin signed a decree on the creation of a public projects department under the Presidential Administration. It is reported that the main goals set for this structure are to conduct high-quality patriotic education and build a moral and cultural field in Russia. Pavel Zenkovich was appointed head of the new department, who had previously been the second person in the presidential internal policy department and was responsible for the information sphere and interaction with public organizations and institutions.
The aspirations of the authorities are understandable. The total confusion in the minds that reigns in Russian society does not allow us to talk about the real education of patriotism, as they say, from young nails. We have been living in a new country for more than 20 years, but since the collapse of the Soviet Union, the situation with civil-patriotic and moral education in society has been steadily deteriorating. It would seem that the notes of spirituality are a priori embedded in any representative of the large Russian world, but these notes are almost completely eliminated in the era of timelessness.
In the early 1990s, the old ideology that had been instilled in every citizen of a large country was, unexpectedly for many, declared anti-people and counterproductive. The authorities of that time not only did not interfere, but often even condoned the planting of new ideological content, which was brought in from outside. Generations of people who admired the first metro builders, conquerors of space and the power of their native country went into oblivion. Overnight, a cloudy oil stain appeared on the public surface in the form of those who decided that it was the Western way of life, the basis of which was total freedom from any sound principles, that was the new springboard for the development of an established state.
People plunged into the new world with their heads, and in most cases this immersion took place artificially. When the usual ground is knocked out from under the feet, then a person is ready to grab hold of any substance that floats by. What Russia seized on can be called, without a doubt, the real public excrement, which literally poured in our direction like a river.
Today, by inertia, we are used to saying that all these new “ideals” that Russians began to worship immediately after the collapse of the Soviet Union were introduced exclusively by the West. However, the answer to this question can hardly be considered unambiguous. The fact is that if we consider the American experience of educating patriotism, then it cannot be called antisocial. Even today, we are still amazed at the sincere emotions of American citizens, for example, when playing the national anthem. From the eyes of those people who sing the anthem of their country aloud (whether they are athletes, politicians or ordinary schoolchildren), it is clear that they do it quite sincerely, just as they sincerely honor the memory of their ancestors.
But the only thing is that the destructive trend that reached Russia back in the late 80s actually has nothing to do with the real social structure of Western life. Our country received the same ideological vacuum, which, with its bottomlessness, swallowed up all spheres of life. Young people suddenly lost all moral guidelines, people of older generations found themselves in a very difficult situation, because now they had to explain to young people that their slogans were “wrong” and “anti-democratic”. At the same time, someone quickly, as it is now fashionable to say, entered the trend and began to worship completely different values, while for someone, by their nature, it was simply impossible to abandon the life guidelines to which they devoted their entire lives. However, the latter turned out to be a kind of social outcast, preaching retrograde and trying to recall those social norms that made it possible to be proud of their ancestors, rejoice in victories and experience the sorrows of defeat throughout the country. Such things quickly became unfashionable.
The very concept of "educating patriotism" suddenly lost all meaning. Instead of a hymn, from which goosebumps ran, we were suddenly presented with a hymn of a different kind - an anthem that had no words. Our athletes, who won international competitions, looked confused or, rather, helpless, because they did not know what to do while playing this anthem: someone scratched behind their ears, someone nervously fiddled with the edge of their sports uniform, someone then he looked distantly somewhere into the distance ... But sports victories can quite be called one of the segments of educating the patriotic foundations of society. And if young men and women understood that during the performance of the country's main musical work, one could almost pick one's nose with a finger or squat down, then this flowed into total indifference both to the main symbols of the country and to this country as a whole, and indeed to each other in particular.
Meanwhile, the country was talking about the revival of religion. Orthodox churches, mosques, synagogues were restored or rebuilt everywhere. The people en masse began to move into the category of new believers. It would seem that it is religion that can become the very core that will form among Russians the concept of morality and culture, around which a new stage of social development will begin. However, everything turned out quite differently.
No, the restoration of churches and the mass coming of people to God in the late 80s and early 90s are things that, of course, can be called a social rebirth. But only with all the massiveness of the process of the unexpected transformation of a large percentage of Russians into “true believers” people, there was no such rampant immorality and social and cultural chaos in our country even during the time of a complete ban on the activities of religious associations. It turns out that the religions of salvation have again become hostages of a big political and economic game. The newly minted shepherds could afford to atone for all the sins of a representative of an organized crime group near Moscow because he decides to donate a substantial amount to the fund of the parish under construction along with the “pastoral” shelter under construction. At the same time, it often happened that the so-called "shelter of the holy father" was several hundred square meters larger than the parish under construction. How similar it is to the famous indulgences of the Middle Ages... It turns out that in terms of the level of religious culture in the 90s, our country was exactly at the medieval mark.
The complete disregard for the foundations of civic-patriotic education has led to the fact that even the stronghold of the country's reliability and security - the army - has turned into a kind of disembodied scarecrow for young people. Military duty has become not honorable, but hard labor. Disappeared such concepts as "the honor of the uniform" or "the word of an officer." The military personnel themselves turned out to be unnecessary neither to society nor the state. Why? Yes, because the stereotype was stubbornly implanted in the country that the new Russia does not have, and cannot have, enemies. Where, they say, can they come from, if all the “progressive democracies” of the world are now “for us”, “for the Russian people”.
However, the very first acute armed conflict (talking about the Chechen campaign) fully demonstrated not only that we still have enemies, but also that the army, which does not have public support, is for the most part disparate parts of one demoralized whole. The fighters, many of whom were still wearing uniforms with Soviet symbols, recovering into battle, did not understand what the true goal of their mission was. If this goal is to preserve the unity and independence of the country, then why did they see the enemy in the hands of weapons that were stored yesterday in Russian warehouses; if for the interests of democracy, then why the intercepted communications of the militants were often in Arabic or English; if for the freedom of the local people, then why could the local people easily direct selected armed groups with green and black bandages on their heads to the location of the Russian army fighters ...
The concept of "patriot" has become, by and large, a dirty word. A person who called himself that could be subjected to real obstruction even within the walls of the Russian Parliament. Like, if a patriot, then this is either another, as the notorious lady in big glasses puts it, “commies”, or someone who has mental health problems ... The most surprising thing is that such a terminological trend spread across Russian soil with amazing speed and became a new trend . By the way, even today the word "patriot" often has an abusive connotation. A person who talks about the development of the country or its preventive successes is immediately endowed with the amazing epithet of a “jingo-patriot”, who, they say, does not even know about his delusions. Here are just a few classic maxims about those for whom patriotism in Russia will always smack of only "cheers-patriotism."
The development of sports you say?.. Ha-ha! Where can we go - but at the Olympics there are “only” 24 “gold” ...
The basics of religious ethics and Orthodox culture have been introduced in schools, you say?... Ha-ha! Well, now they will definitely push the foreheads of Christians and Muslims and finally ruin Russia ...
Have they opened a new theater?.. Yes, it would be better if the authorities raised the pension of the old people by one and a half rubles ...
In general, over the years, a whole class of people has managed to form who are capable of packing any, even the most obvious, positive in a bizarre way in a box with a mourning ribbon. These are professional negativists who catch their fish in troubled waters.
Even today, after Vladimir Putin announced the creation of a body responsible for civic-patriotic education in the country, many began to say that the authorities are again trying to force citizens to love themselves. Like, all this is done by the "clawed hands" of the president on purpose to introduce a total ideology in the country, a step to the left - a step to the right from which - a firing squad. And even yesterday, the same people were shouting at literally every corner that it was high time for the authorities to take care of the upbringing of morality in Russian society. But as soon as the authorities heeded these wishes, the record was immediately changed. It turns out that people who obstruct and this is a long-overdue undertaking of the president are simply not ready for an adequate perception of the situation. Their main task is to simply speak in disagreement with the authorities in order to increase their own informational rating: the authorities will say “yes” - they will answer “no”, the authorities will say “no” - they will repeat “yes-yes-yes!”
Yes, of course, patriotism and moral culture in Russia cannot be brought up solely by the creation of a special department, but no one is saying that the department for public projects will instantly solve all our social problems. The tone has been set for a long and difficult path, towards which each of us must make an effort, unless, of course, this problem is not an empty phrase for us.
As a professional psychologist, I can present you with specific solutions, specific behaviors and methods of handling the situation, give clear guidance and support in your aspirations. I can help you explore and change any aspect of your life where you feel you need to improve.
In my work, I use a combination of therapeutic counseling and coaching. I can use methods such as: reality therapy, cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, gestalt therapy, rational emotive therapy, traditional psychotherapy and several other approaches. Working with you ultimately depends on your personality, your level of education, your style, the nature of your problem, and your level of motivation to change.
I understand how difficult it is to admit the existence of a psychological problem and seek professional help, pour out one's soul to a person who is essentially unfamiliar - this is very difficult and requires strength and courage. I recognize that a potential client who finds an advertisement for my services does not know me, does not know the level of my professional training, and therefore he has many questions about working with me and he is not obliged to trust me. On the site, I tried to solve many of these issues.
What makes me different from other psychologists and psychotherapists?
I have a lifetime of experience providing professional assistance to people from all walks of life, with all types of problems, and from all over the world. I understand that there are situations in your life when you need help now, not later; in a place where you will feel comfortable that you do not have to wait in lines or waste your time filling out stupid questionnaires and questionnaires; in a place where there is no time limit for conducting a therapeutic conversation. I offer services to meet the needs of your lifestyle and situation.
Help should be available when needed.
Sometimes you need help now and don't want to wait a week or two to get an appointment. Just pick up the phone and call me. Because I try to carefully limit the number of clients, I am usually available to personally take your call right away or call you back within an hour, and if necessary, see you on the same day.
Will you have to queue?
Many people experience stress while sitting in a room with strangers, waiting for their turn. Our meetings are planned in such a way that visitors do not overlap.
Help should be provided where you feel most comfortable.
I find it very helpful for a therapeutic conversation to choose a place where you are most comfortable. If you feel uncomfortable sitting in my office, I can meet you at your home, place of work, park, or wherever you like.
It is not always useful to set a time limit.
I understand that when you talk about your emotional upheavals, about important events in your life, and they tell you that time is up, it sounds terrible. You and I are able to build our communication in any form and time. Your session can be as short or as long as you need.
Communication by phone.
There may be times when you cannot or do not want to come to my office, and you also do not want me to come to your house or work, but you need my consultation. We can talk to you on the phone.
Availability after business hours.
During work, it is much easier to suppress our emotions than when we are faced with a problem one on one. This is the time when people need help the most. This is also the time when various forms of assistance are least available. With this in mind, I try to be available to my clients any time they need my help.
I provide assistance to individuals, groups and families.
I work with individuals, couples and even entire families. I can come to you or you can come to me.
My main purpose is to help you.
If you have a problem that prevents you from coming to me, I can come to your home, work place, hospital - wherever I am needed.
All contacts with my clients are strictly confidential.
Rest assured that all contacts are strictly confidential. If you need to provide additional anonymity for our meetings, we can discuss with you any form of protecting your privacy.
Work experience.
I began to consult people as a psychologist since 2001. During this time, I have experienced many problems with my clients and it is very difficult to surprise me with anything. As a psychologist, I have a lot of not only professional, but also life experience in solving various problems, and I can safely say that your problem is unlikely to be on the list of those that I have not encountered or had no experience of helping in a similar situation. I do have a lot of experience working with a very wide range of clients and in all types of situations.
I am able to understand and appreciate the different nuances of the same problems in different people, based on their needs and their unique lifestyle. I am able to truly understand who you are, how you tend to act in a given situation, how you adapt to changes in your environment. Each person has unique parameters - there are no two people or situations in which, with external similarity, everything coincided 100%. As a psychologist who understands these nuances, I try to personalize and individualize all my services and programs. A close relationship with the client as a person allows me to help in obtaining new skills and methods to change his life for the better and increase the level of satisfaction from communicating with me.
Accordingly, my work with clients is structured in such a way that I can maintain the accessibility and flexibility necessary to meet their requirements. I am available to my clients 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am always in touch and can quickly meet with you to solve the problems that have arisen, at the time and place that is most convenient for you. Of course, I do not do all this for free, my time spent working with you must be paid, and the more flexible our work schedule, the more expensive my services.
This does not mean that my services are available only to the elite, who can easily pay a six-figure sum. I am open to absolutely all people with different income levels. We will always find the most comfortable work schedule for your convenience and financial well-being. It is also possible to pay for my services in stages and on credit.
My personal opinion is that the client has the right to dictate terms. This is the service I expect from others, this is the service I try to provide myself. The main thing for the client is to enjoy his right to go through life, improving himself both personally and professionally, and I am able to provide this.
If you would like me to help you achieve these goals, please call. I welcome the opportunity to use my knowledge and experience to improve your life.
Do not hesitate to contact me. Once you become my client, you will be provided with a phone number where you can contact me whenever you need.
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