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Self-doubt is the presence of doubts in one’s skills, choices, strengths and the execution of one’s plans, on the basis of which fear arises, and in critical cases even a refusal to take active actions. The feeling of self-doubt is closely related to the feeling of wrongness of oneself or the idea that some aspect of life is defective.
A similar sense of self is born in childhood, when a system of self-perception is formed based on the response of others. And if in emotional and active contact with the world there is no clarity in determining which actions and statements should be praised, and which should be punished or rejected, then in the future there will be no elements for building personal ideas about the negative and acceptable, everything is the same and hostile. It is the priority of external assessment of one’s own existence left over from childhood (people’s words, priorities proclaimed in culture) that leads to an increase in uncertainty.
The problem of self-doubt is caused by the impossibility of reacting in the same way different people for one event, which means that the idea of the constancy of self-perception through other people's assessments is absurd and only leads to increased anxious uncertainty and exhaustion.
What is self-doubt?
Uncertainty relates to the result, which is an important mental property necessary for correlating one’s capabilities with the tasks of situations that arose along the way or goals assigned by the person himself. This is peculiar measuring device our life, giving us the opportunity to control and expediently structure the course of its events. Adequate self-esteem contributes to building harmonious relationships with people and the world, and predetermines a calm and sober outlook, where there is an understanding that the course of life is determined by its own laws and there is no goal in them to subjugate or elevate any of the people. Inadequate, at the behavioral level is expressed by uncertainty, fear of moving forward in life’s achievements or expressing one’s alternative opinion, stopping in implementation, etc.
The problem of uncertainty causes difficulties in communication, problems in implementation own desires and plans, affects the emotional background by its decrease, the emergence of constant feelings, anxiety, and despair. A confident person is characterized by bright and emotional speech, the desire to openly and honestly voice his thoughts and present feelings, and the presence of moderate gestures correlated with the story. In a conversation, a confident person can contrast his opinion with others, is not afraid of seeming strange or not accepted, and accepts compliments without the desire to belittle his merits.
Self-doubt usually manifests itself in certain areas or situations, determined by the individual specific situation of the formation of this feeling, although there are situations when self-doubt becomes a defining characterological feature and penetrates into all areas.
The self-perception of an insecure person is quite deplorable; moreover, the feeling of insecurity begins to affect activities in the outside world, often interfering with or even stopping it. Wondering how to overcome self-doubt, people come to a psychologist’s office or even to a shaman for a ritual, looking for any means of relief.
Causes of self-doubt
The environment in childhood is responsible for the emergence of favorable conditions for the progression of self-doubt - the behavior patterns that a person sees at an early age are imprinted into the psyche and remain there as reference ones, as well as the reaction of significant adults and the environment to the child’s behavior form the type of reaction and behavior. For example, if any active actions lead only to a negative reaction from the outside world, then the child loses the ability to display any active activity. But we should not exclude the fact that the absence of a negative response is not always a protection against the development of insecurity. In a situation where there is no emotional reaction to what is happening, the so-called “emotional vacuum” (when there is neither a positive nor a negative reaction), self-doubt also develops.
Through his own actions and the subsequent response of reality to them, a person learns to build not only patterns of behavior, but also a picture of the world in which he finds himself. The absence of emotional reactions or constant only negative or formally positive reactions lead to confusion in determining the surrounding reality, causing anxiety and self-doubt.
Self-doubt causes a lot of problems life path, more and more people want to get rid of it, read special articles, sign up for trainings, but do not look at the root of the problem. Knowing the causes of self-doubt, you can prevent its occurrence or aggravation, and also draw up the most effective plan to overcome it.
The first and most profound reason is ignorance of oneself and the structure of the features of one’s inner world. When a person lives, focusing on external cues, then his self-perception consists of a set of social roles; they are unique for everyone and form an individual pattern, but are not the essence or reflection of the inner nature. After all, if you bad husband and a son, but a good father and worker - this in no way characterizes you at all, it is an indicator of how you cope with a certain role.
If the assessment of oneself is based on the assessment of the roles performed, then the internal observer becomes confused and self-doubt arises. You should spend a colossal amount of time and effort to determine your inner essence, thereby removing yourself from identification with the functions you perform. As soon as such disidentification occurs, uncertainty disappears, you know exactly who you are, what you can, what you want, regardless of the situation, people and their opinions.
The problem of self-doubt correlates with the presence of... A person who has no idea why he lives and what he strives for, or who constantly changes his life priorities to please the desires of society, loses any motivation. When there is no motivation, everything is done through effort, forcing yourself. Such people do not have a twinkle in their eyes and that confident, persistent desire in everything, even everyday matters, that a person has who has chosen the meaning and direction for his life.
Ignorance of one’s true values and priorities is similar to ignorance of the meaning of life and introduces a disorganizing component into a person’s life. Confidence dissipates like fog if a person finds it difficult to explain to himself what is truly important and tries to build his life on the basis of other priorities that are alien to internal conformity. Such actions cause a feeling of insecurity and...
Feelings of self-doubt increase when you lose contact with your own body. Despite the need for great mental stress, a complete abandonment of physical sensations and actions in favor of mental ones is erroneous. In addition to the fact that working with the body gives a person a feeling of joy and involvement in the present moment, i.e. returns him to a living, not a thinking state; this is another deep source of clues. Focusing on one’s own physical sensations, a person begins to feel the world better, even to the point of predicting events. Naturally, your relationship with your own body influences the development of self-confidence.
Ignorance and inability to defend psychological boundaries is both the cause and consequence of self-doubt, completing the circle. Knowing boundaries allows you to improve positive communication and minimize negative communication. The most common sign of weakness internal borders– inability to refuse, and the other pole of the same reason – refusal to everyone. This behavior is formed in childhood, when refusal led to punishment, humiliation or provocation. In adulthood than more people bends, allowing others to destroy his boundaries and enter his personal territory with impunity (justifying this by the fact that the person is dear and loved), the more the defense function atrophies and, if the need really arises, the person may become confused from not knowing how to protect his mental state, doubting his abilities.
Signs of self-doubt
Self-doubt is a trait that has no age, gender or national characteristics. Most often it begins in childhood, but can also arise in adulthood, under the influence of life events. A sign that characterizes the presence of self-doubt is the reluctance to become the center of attention, it does not matter whether it is reprimand from the manager in front of the entire team or the presentation of an award on stage. For an insecure person, any increased attention to his person causes severe stress, since there is no positive experience of behavior in such situations.
Often there is embarrassment when receiving gratitude (while constantly seeking approval), a desire to downplay one’s merits or even make it seem like the person has nothing to do with what he is being praised for. The same fear turns on, because having accepted gratitude, we also accept responsibility for what has been done. This is a kind of statement to the world “I am,” while an insecure person tends, on the contrary, to disappear or become less noticeable.
Self-doubt also manifests itself in physical level. Such people have a dull look, an emotionless quiet voice, and may stutter. Movements can be jerky (when they don’t know how best to please) or constrained (when fear, having manifested itself, begins to increase). The shoulders are usually rolled up, there is a stoop and hunching - all these manifestations are caused by the desire to hide, curl up, and take up as little space as possible.
In addition to these more or less obvious and logical signs of uncertainty, there are also more subtle ones. For example, frequent grievances are characteristic of people who cannot defend themselves and represent a manipulative way of influencing the situation, while a confident person will act openly. A person’s speech can tell a lot about him, so talkativeness, gossip, obscene expressions are just a mask, a defensive reaction behind which hides a vulnerable essence and the inability to find adequate ways to defend one’s interests.
Where there is no calm, open and friendly attitude towards oneself and others, uncertainty hides, and whether it is in fleeing or attacking form depends on the individual.
How to overcome self-doubt?
The first step towards overcoming feelings of self-doubt is to recognize its presence, not to run away from this fear, but to get to know it, to see in what situations it arises, what causes it to increase, and what decreases it. It is impossible to get rid of something that is not given a name. And only after identifying the problem can you make a plan to overcome self-doubt.
Start going beyond your usual actions and rituals, open the door to something new. Several times a week, do things that are atypical or scary to you. If you are sure that gray suits you, buy a red dress, you consider meeting people on the street unsafe, talk to a random passerby, and everything in the same spirit. The more you expand the list of such actions, the faster you will discover new interesting things in yourself and the world.
One of the reasons for the development of insecurity is the reason for losing contact with the body - return it. Sign up for the sport or dance that you like. Perhaps it will be yoga or jogging in the morning, or maybe a massage. Listen to your desires and carry out all the actions that will help restore vitality to your body. Side effects include improved posture, figure, well-being and sleep.
Connect to your mindful activities. Play out situations leading to your success, visualize, imagine smells, tastes and touches. Your task is to experience the upcoming activity as fully as possible in a positive way, using the emotional sphere. What we think about programs our activities, accordingly, the more often you scroll through a failed scenario, the more likely it is that in the situation that arises you will begin to act on it automatically. Be on the safe side - put a favorable, successful scenario into your subconscious.
Practice relationships. It is better to start with the closest people, as the safest in manifesting and initiating contact. Show your feelings, let it be for them in the form of a surprise - an invitation to the theater, a small present. Try to give positive emotions to others, using this as a way to build contact. But at the same time, listen delicately to yourself so that giving joy does not develop into serving and stepping on the throat of your own song.
There are many recommendations, but the essence is the same - you should gradually move forward without experiencing extreme unpleasant emotions. A certain tension, anxiety from the new - yes, fear, discomfort and compulsion - no.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt?
Inability to defend one’s interests, despite being completely right, to express one’s feelings in a form understandable to the opponent, to establish contact and get to know each other, to answer no, to lead people, to offer new idea– these problems arise at the intersection of uncertainty and fear.
Due to constant failures in communication, the negative emotional background increases, and the person either finally stops trying to establish interaction and withdraws into himself, or becomes unnecessary in a defensive position. But before the critical point of no return has yet arrived, many are trying to do something about their social fear. Reading useful articles is the first step, but real action is needed, practiced in Everyday life with living people.
It is worth understanding this axiom that everyone has fears, insecurities and complexes. Successful in interaction is not the one who destroyed them in himself (this is impossible), but the one who concentrates on communication. Those. When talking with a person, the focus of your attention should be on the conversation and the topic being discussed, and not on your own fears. Otherwise, a vicious circle arises - you think about your fears, scrolling various options fiasco, while your brain is busy with your own thoughts, the interlocutor suffers from lack of attention, you miss significant parts of the conversation, which is why communication becomes a failure. If you monitored a person’s emotional reactions, built a decent selection of arguments, i.e. were in the conversation itself, then everything would have gone well.
Another common fear is not being accepted or appreciated. It is almost genetically determined, because being an outcast in ancient times meant inevitable death. From this fear comes hesitation in expressing one’s own individuality, the desire to keep a low profile and blend in with the crowd. The paradox is that it is the gray ones and no personalities that are interesting or important. It is more interesting to learn about even the most ardent enemy and this emotionally involves you in communication more than a person who is trying to please and does not have his own opinion. Strive to live by your own convictions, without trying to please everyone. There will always be those who will be dissatisfied with you, only in one case you live to please them, betray yourself and deprive yourself of pleasure, in the second you may also not be liked by others, but get a thrill by living your own interests. And most likely, it is precisely this position in life that will attract friends, supportive people and like-minded people to you.
Overcoming any fear and self-doubt lies in constant training and gradually raising the bar. If you are afraid of heights, then begin to gradually rise higher and higher, start by looking out from the second floor balcony, gradually reaching the roof of a high-rise building or the top of a mountain. It’s the same with communication - if you’re scared of meeting people, then you can start by asking three people a day for their time, then getting to know each other, and then holding half-hour dialogues with new acquaintances. It is important to gradually build up the missing scaring skill.
If your uncertainty and fear of failure are caused by an objective lack of knowledge (for example, professional knowledge), then there is no point in developing a confident voice and rehearsing a convincing speech - it is worth improving your qualifications and the presence of knowledge in itself will fill the missing reserve of calm.
The main rule of victory is friendliness. You may have any shortcomings, not meet high criteria, enter a completely unfamiliar company, but if you show friendliness, then you are the one who is psychologically right, and the people around you, instead of attacking, ridiculing or pointing out mistakes, will strive to suggest, help or protect.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
The feeling of confidence for most people depends on the circumstances and options for the development of events. This is probably why we so often think about how to gain stable and permanent self-confidence. We also live in a world where the popular motto is “fake it until you make it.” Therefore, how can one determine whether a person is truly confident in himself or is this just his mask? Keep in mind that confidence is not swagger, bravado or ostentatious bravery. Confidence has nothing to do with selfishness, narcissism and disregard for other people. True confidence is humble and understated and is a natural manifestation of ability, experience and self-esteem. Do you want to recognize truly confident people? They are united by the nine features described below.
1. They adhere to their point of view not because they consider it the only correct one, but because they have no fear of mistakes.
Self-confident and vain people, as a rule, stand by their position, completely ignoring other opinions and points of view. They believe that they are right and want to prove it to everyone. Their behavior is not a sign of confidence, but rather that of an “intellectual badass.” Truly confident people are not afraid of being wrong. Finding out the truth and objective facts is much more important for them. important matter rather than convincing everyone that you are right. And when they are mistaken or mistaken, it is not at all difficult for them to admit it.2. They listen much more actively than they speak.
Boasting is a mask that hides insecurity, and this model of behavior is completely uncharacteristic of self-confident people. They know their position, but they also want to hear yours. They ask open and direct questions, giving other people freedom to express their point of view and asking for their opinions and possible advice. Confident people know they have enough knowledge, but they are hungry to know more, and the only way to learn more is to listen more.3. They do not like to bask in the glory of bringing other people into the spotlight.
Most often this is what people do most work. They are the ones who cope with all the problems and unite disparate workers into a highly productive team. But fame and stormy applause are not of interest to them; they know how to be content simply with the results, because they already know what they have achieved. They do not need value judgments from outside because they know how to make correct value judgments within themselves. This is why they prefer to remain on the sidelines and celebrate their achievements by bringing others into the limelight.4. They can easily and naturally ask for help.
People often think that asking for help is a clear sign of weakness, and that asking questions is a sign of a lack of knowledge, skills or experience. Confident people have no problem recognizing their own weak sides. They seek help not only because they desperately need it, but also because they understand that this way they improve the self-esteem of another person. A simple phrase, “Could you help me?” demonstrates great respect for the opinion and experience of the person to whom it is addressed. Otherwise you wouldn't contact him.5. They always ask the question “Who else if not me?”
Many people believe that they have to wait: wait for a career advancement, wait for an offer from an employer, wait to be noticed. Confident people don't wait. They simply begin to make contacts and take action, at least even on social networks. We all have friends and acquaintances who may know someone we need. Confident people know their worth, they know that if they want, they can find financing, set up production, build their own relationships and network of contacts, choose their own path, in the end.6. They don't put other people down.
Please note that people who like to gossip and discuss others behind their backs do this because subconsciously (or consciously) through comparison they want to find evidence that they are still better and superior. But confident people simply don’t need all this.7. They are not afraid to look stupid...
Truly confident people aren't afraid to put themselves in situations where they don't look their best. And, oddly enough, people tend to respect them for it.8. ...And they admit their mistakes.
Uncertainty breeds unnaturalness and pretense; Trust breeds sincerity and honesty. This is why confident people always admit and voice their mistakes. They learn from their failures and failures, and they are not afraid to let their failures become a cautionary tale for others. Confident people are not afraid to become a source of laughter. When you have full confidence in yourself, you won't be afraid to look "wrong" sometimes. If you are a sincere and unpretentious person, people don't laugh at you. They laugh with you.9. They only look for approval from people who really matter to them.
Say you have a ton of followers on Twitter? Five thousand friends on Facebook? Cool. Professional and social network consisting of hundreds or even thousands? Amazing. But all this pales in comparison to the well-deserved trust and respect of the few people in your life who truly matter to you and whose opinions and support are priceless to you.We notice confident people immediately by their posture, the way they carry themselves, and the tone of their voice. They have charm and attractiveness. Confidence is an attitude towards the world and yourself. It's faith, it's the feeling that you have the resources within you to get what you want and cope with whatever life throws at you.
A confident person is one who always remembers and practices his or her individual rights. What are these rights?
1. The right to be your own final judge. Confidence allows a person to decide for himself what constitutes success and achievement in any area. Such a person decides for himself what he wants, what he likes, how to act in a given situation, what brings him satisfaction, energizes and inspires him.
2. The right not to make excuses andNotapologizefor your behavior, do not depend on how others treat you. In most cases, those around us have an opinion not only about what we should have done, but also about how we should live with it further. Feelings of guilt are a very common and effective method influence. We feel guilty when we accept that we have wrongfully violated another person's expectations of our behavior. But the feeling of guilt is destructive to a person’s personality. By developing awareness and changing our attitude towards the opinions of others, we develop internal resilience to criticism and less self-doubt.
4. The right to change your mind and change your opinion. There is an opinion that a confident and self-sufficient person immediately knows correct solution, and also that a smart person never changes his mind. When a person has inner strength, he does not feel embarrassed if he has to retract his words. For example, you made a purchase in a store and realize that you need to return it. You will most likely encounter some dissatisfaction from the staff, who will try to make you feel wrong or stupid. A confident person knows exactly what he needs and what does not suit him.
5. The right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. We are taught from school that mistakes are bad and even unforgivable. In fact, only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. A mistake is a message from life that something needs to be changed, because there is no other way for us to realize it. When we make a mistake, we may be faced with the attitude that they are made by stupid and inadequate people, while this is a natural process of personal growth and finding our place in this world.
6. The right to say “I don’t know”, “I don’t understand”. A confident person understands that appearing stupid and actually being stupid are two different things. Not a single person can know everything; it is natural that in some area we are less competent than others - and there is nothing shameful in that.
7. The right to be illogical in making decisions. A confident person is guided internal criteria when making decisions. He listens to himself, his intuition and trusts them. He defends his right to follow his inner feelings.
8. The right to say “I don’t care and I’m not interested.” We live in a time when there is a lot of information about everything. There is an expectation that we should be interested in everything and understand everything. A confident person knows what information he needs for growth and development, and knows how to filter out what is unnecessary.
Give yourself the right to be a confident person! Listen to yourself, accept, because within you there is everything you need to feel happy and self-sufficient.
Nadezhda Baranova,
psychologist at the Center for Successful Relationships
from 2011 to 2016
Observing others and studying their actions is one of the the best ways become stronger.
Most of us are not born confident. Often this feeling depends on the situation: sometimes we feel confident, sometimes not so much.
Fortunately, self-confidence can be learned. Action creates attitude; By changing behavior, you can change your sense of self.
So, what makes a confident person different?
1. He takes responsibility
A confident person will not shift the blame onto another. He understands that, regardless of the circumstances, the only true path to success is control over sensations and emotions.
2. He craves forward movement.
A confident person does not strive for perfection - he sees opportunities for improvement.
For self-confident people, the “ideal person” is someone who has a good understanding of themselves and their capabilities. Moving forward is both a journey and a choice.
3. He doesn't gossip, he inspires
He doesn't talk about other people. He is more interested in ideas, projects, goals, plans and aspirations.
A positive - or at least neutral - approach is important to him.
4. He understands the power of the word “no.”
A confident person does not promise too much. He understands the value of time and effort, and makes a promise only when he understands that he can fulfill it without giving up his goal.
But then he performs the task in the best possible way.
5. He gives credit to his mind and body.
A self-confident person understands: in order for the body not to let you down and help you achieve better results, you need to take care of it. He values balance, i.e. exercise, good nutrition, education, hard work and sleep.
6. There is a reason for his actions.
He has a goal, and any action is a way to move towards it.
Therefore, he is dedicated to his work, does not feel fear, burns with enthusiasm and infects others with it.
7. He knows how to ask for help
A self-confident person understands that he cannot move mountains alone, so he often asks for help and is not afraid of it.
Such a person loves to help others and accept help.
8. He views failure as a lesson.
A confident person views failure not as a disaster, but as a tool for growth. He understands that there will inevitably be obstacles on the way to the goal, but he knows that perseverance will definitely yield results.
Remember that learning from others does not mean copying them. You need to take the best from them and find opportunities for growth in yourself. Over time, you will realize that your actions directly affect your results.
Observing others and studying their actions is one of the best ways to become stronger.
How do we realize that we have a confident person in front of us? How do you develop confidence, and what body movements and gestures convey it to others? Let us immediately note that internal strength is difficult to imitate. An observant person, a subtle psychologist, will definitely “figure out” whether the interlocutor is absolutely confident in himself or whether all the actions taken are just pure posturing and feigned confidence. The material presented below will be useful to anyone who would like to learn how to determine self-confidence by the gestures of others, transmitted consciously or unconsciously. This is a very useful skill that can be useful in business negotiations, during discussions, in disputes.
What characterizes a person’s inner confidence?
A person’s sense of inner confidence is based on 3 “pillars”: gait, posture, demeanor. In the first moments of meeting a person, we unconsciously evaluate these 3 basic factors. Later, the impression can be supplemented and polished, but it is unlikely to undergo fundamental changes. That is why it is so important to make the right impression at the beginning of communication.
Our personality, attitude towards ourselves and our own perception are very accurately reflected by posture. Both stooped and sloping shoulders that “tend” down demonstrate to others your uncertainty, lack of independence, and sometimes helplessness. But straightened shoulders, a straight back, a slightly raised chin, hands that give the impression of strength at rest and do not hang limply, like two whips, indicate your confidence.
Stylizing a confident posture is by no means easy, since you need to keep your shoulders straight all the time, and this is difficult for a person who is not accustomed to such a position to do: he will be tense all the time, and as a result, he will inevitably give the impression of a tense and insecure person.
A person’s gait also, like a mirror, conveys his internal state. A self-confident person steps broadly, sweepingly, swiftly, which indicates the activity, passion, and energy of the person. The firmness and precision of his gait demonstrates to the world his inner strength. Such a person walks as if crushing space under himself.
Demeanor is perhaps the main component of a person’s image.
And by the way he “presents” himself, you can understand the degree of his confidence. When we see a person endowed with inner strength, it seems that he is rooted in the earth and cannot be easily shaken. But at the same time, such an image does not leave the impression of heaviness.
Typically, a confident person stands with his legs spread approximately shoulder-width apart, and his toes turned slightly outward. He stands, not leaning forward or backward (such leaning, by the way, makes a very negative impression on those with whom he comes into contact), quite firmly.
Signs of a confident person: let's talk about gestures
Your interlocutor is completely confident in himself if, when communicating, he takes a position of his legs and arms in which they do not cross each other.
The way he shakes hands can tell a lot about the degree of a person’s inner strength. An authoritative, confident person has a firm handshake, but not heavy, not squeezing the palm and fingers. Such a person’s hand is dry and warm, and when shaking the palm of his counterpart, he holds his own on top.
A self-confident person never lowers his gaze when communicating and does not look away to the side. His gaze is directed into the eyes of his interlocutor. A person can demonstrate to the world confidence in the correctness of his position with the help of such a gesture: the fingers touch each other and the “structure” created in this way is a kind of spire, the tip of which is directed upward.
Do you want to learn how to recognize whether you are really dealing with a person endowed with inner psychological confidence in his own abilities, or whether you are being misled? Estet-portal.com hopes that the proposed material will help you understand this.
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