Anniversary or Birthday skit “Congratulations from the New Russian grandmothers.”
(two participants, dressed in new Russian grandmothers, come out dancing and sing a verse to the tune of ditties):
We neither sow nor plow,
But we don’t sit idle!
On the anniversary we sing and dance,
We'll make the birthday people laugh!
Matryona (speaks):
Flower, oh Flower! Why are you so wrinkled today, like a roll of toilet paper?
Flower:
Oh, don’t tell me, Matryona! I didn’t sleep all night, I kept thinking, how better can we congratulate our birthday boy than to please him on such a day?!
Judging by your appearance, you haven’t come up with anything worthwhile!
Flower:
Well, why is this?! What, in your opinion, am I good for nothing, or what?!
So, your expiration date has long passed!
Flower:
Say it too! Yes, all the men are still looking at me! Look, look at our hero of the day looking so mysteriously!
It's clear, it's a mystery! Why, they say, did they come here, and even for a couple?!
Flower:
Come on, Matryona, let’s show him the whole breadth of our repertoire!
Come on, Flower, sing! You are the most vocal among the two of us!
Flower: (sings to the tune of the song “Murka”)
You and I, Matryona, were lucky with the hack:
We will sing a verse for the hero of the day!
He decorated his shoulders with a new jacket,
He is a great authority for us! (repeat last 2 lines)
What are you doing, Flower?! I really don’t recognize you, you’re our sentimental one! Where did you get that tune?!
Flower:
Yes, that’s what inspired...
Listen to what the birthday boy needs to sing on his Jubilee:
(sings, addressing the hero of the day, to the tune of the song “A soldier is walking through the city”):
Your guests on the Anniversary
They're sitting together!
Hints: “Pour it for us!”
Their alarming look!
Made some toast
Everyone drinks to you!
“You are beautiful, there are no words!” -
We will say, lovingly,
We say, love!
We will remember your anniversary!
We'll fill all the glasses
And we’ll drink it all to the bottom today and more than once!
We wish you happiness,
Believe me, we are very happy
Congratulations on your holiday
The most beautiful now!
(repeat the last 4 lines, marching, approach the birthday boy for a kiss, and then the Flower says):
Dear birthday boy, respect the old ladies, have a drink with us at the Brudershaft, we will remember forever with a kind word!
(congratulations on the Anniversary and drinking with the birthday boy for brotherhood)
SKETCH-CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE NEW RUSSIAN
(he is dressed in a black T-shirt, and on his chest there is a thick chain, in his hands is an envelope with money or, for fun, souvenir bucks)
- Lyudmila! What, by all standards, are you a birthday girl, or what?
“I wish that no one crumbles a loaf of bread on your head!”
- I’ll give you bucks for promotion - get rich,
- If you need a roof, contact me!
SKETCH FOR ANNIVERSARY, BIRTHDAY “THREE GIRLS UNDER THE WINDOW SINGING LATE IN THE EVENING”
Three girls under the window
Singing late at night!
You all ask about whom
Did the three of them sing together?
About my friend about my
Sang songs on the Anniversary!
(three girls come out, each singing their own song for the birthday girl)
1 GIRL (you can attach a long braid to her).
(sings a song to the tune of “Birch, dear friend)
Lyubasha, dear friend,
You are my idol, my favorite!
Tell me, how can we live without each other?
Tell me, what would it be like without each other?
We treated you! (repeat last 3 lines)
Your soul reaches out for me,
You put your hands on my shoulders,
When I feel bad, you are with me,
If you feel bad, I’m with you,
You won’t spill water on us forever now! (repeat last 3 lines)
2 FRIENDS
(sings a song to the tune of “We honestly want to tell you”)
I have to tell you honestly
This is the kind of friend I need!
She is like the sun, friendly, sweet
And she drove me crazy with her kindness!
Lyuba, Lyuba, my dear friend,
Everyone around you is delighted!
So always remain the same
I wish you happiness for many years to come! (Repeat entire verse)
3 FRIENDS (you can wear a wig and a sultry Cuban dress, since the song is performed to the tune of “Beisan, beisan mucho...”)
No you
There is no one better than you
There is no one more beautiful and smarter and kinder than you!
No you
There is no one cooler than you!
I am happy that you are called my friend!
We all love you, dear Lyubochka,
And we adore you!
The kindest, very beautiful,
I repeat, love!
Let you
Everything works out!
May all your dreams and wishes come true on time!
Let happiness
He won't turn away!
Joy and love protect your home threshold!
REPEAT CHORUS
SKETCH FOR ANNIVERSARY, BIRTHDAY OF A BOILER ROOM WORKER
As you know, without water -
Neither here nor there!
Very often we suffer
From such nonsense.
But our birthday girl
Problems will be eliminated
On her watch, we know
Water is not a shortage!
For this, grateful residents will perform a touching song for our beautiful birthday girl!
(tenants come out - a woman in curlers, a robe and a basin in her hands, and a man in family shorts and with two glasses, one of which is filled with water, during the chorus he pours water from glass to glass)
SONG OF GRATEFUL RESIDENTS
(to the tune of “How steamships are seen off, not at all like trains”)
At our boiler room Tatyana
It's been working for years
With hot water all the time
That's why our house lives!
The water from the tap in the kitchen splashes,
And the water warms us,
And the heart trembles joyfully,
When there is water in the apartment!
Water, water, water runs,
Water, water, water all around!
She's looking beyond the horizons
The water pressure is always good!
To treat work like this
You are unlikely to find people!
She's so funny
And the voice rings like a stream!
Charging everyone with optimism,
The look of her eyes shines!
Water, water, water runs,
Water, water, we always have it!
SCENE FOR BIRTHDAY, ANNIVERSARY.
SONG OF D'ARTAGNAN (the birthday girl's husband is wearing his costume):
(to the tune of “I love you, life!”)
- I love you, Tanya,
Which in itself is not new!
I love you, Tanya!
I love you again and again!
After a hard day
I come home from work tired,
You will feed me
Even though you worked hard!
Oh, how the years fly by
Well, don’t be sad, dear!
The guests will confirm everything -
You are still young with us!
In the light of every day
I am so happy that I have no peace!
Kiss me
Let everyone know what it is!
A scene for a woman’s Anniversary or Birthday “Little Brownie”. (The Brownie comes out - this is a participant in the scene with a shaggy beard and tousled hair, dressed in a colorful shirt, belted with a rope and short pants with patches. He sings a song to the birthday girl to the tune of “Robin”)
I ask you for courage
Pour me a glass!
I will say then in the hour of joy
Why did I come to you!
(the birthday girl pours a glass for the brownie, he drinks and sings the next verse):
Do you like to clean everything in the apartment?
And you keep everything clean everywhere!
Trying to sweep the corners better,
You're lashing my butt unnoticed!
Please be kind
With me, Marina, from now on,
In the corner, so that without fear I
I could sit until dark!
Dear birthday girl, now accept a gift from me:
(takes out a broom)
I personally steamed this broom,
So that he could be treated more gently! (slaps himself with a broom in different places)
And you can wave at them without rules,
I declare to you on your birthday!
I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart
And I wish you to bloom and flourish!
Today I promise in front of everyone:
I will always guard your house!
Sketch for a man’s Anniversary or Birthday “Ditties from New Russian Grandmothers”
(two men come out dressed up as new Russian grandmothers and sing verses to the tune of ditties, playing along on a children's balalaika or guitar):
Flower:
The hero of the day needs a pair
Give compliments!
So let's go blazing hot
Remember them with Matryona!
Give me your word soon
My tongue is very itchy!
I'm already ready
Congratulations are simply chic!
Flower:
Tie your tongue tighter
I will not give up my place!
My compliment is very much needed,
I love the hero of the day!
Apparently you forgot completely
That's why I came here!
A sign of attention is requested
The hero of the day is from us, idiot!
Flower:
You're right, I'm just going crazy
When I see Vova!
But I’m timid to say “I love you”
He has his own family!
Drift, don’t drift, but still necessary
You and I should be bolder!
So, let's shout together:
“Happy Anniversary, dear!”
(approach the hero of the day with kisses)
(Childhood runs out skipping - this is a man dressed up as a little boy and sings to the tune of a famous song about childhood):
My childhood, wait,
Don't rush, wait!
Give me a simple answer
What's ahead?!
Dear birthday boy!
The best remedy
Frighten off any attack -
This, of course, goes back to childhood
We must go in immediately!
I'll tell you emphatically:
Everything is forgiven for you today!
So listen and complete all my tasks:
I know you will remember willingly
What I did as a child
How to be carefree with friends
You were jumping rope!
(offer to jump rope)
To restore you
For further tricks of power,
I suggest you drink
This super dope is cute!
(offer a glass of vodka to the birthday boy)
Ball – best friend child!
Remember your childhood again
Step aside
And kick it with your knee!
(the birthday boy kicks the ball with his knee, and the guests loudly count how many times he can do this so that the ball does not fall)
Yes, you kick masterfully
What is there to say for a long time!
We need you seriously
Very generous reward!
(they jokingly pour a glass of vodka for the birthday boy)
We are a whistle made of acacias
We did it more than once as a child!
Musical variations
We are waiting from you now!
(they invite the birthday boy to play a children’s whistle or pipe)
For such numbers
We will shout together “Hurray!”
And they also ask for a glass
Your guests are children!
(everyone drinks a toast together to the happy childhood of the birthday boy)
(A man comes out - a participant in the scene, dressed in a scarf and an old colorful skirt with a jacket, in his hands he has a basket with drugs and he addresses the birthday boy with the words):
Dear birthday boy!
Even though you look healthy
And I was in good health from childhood,
But still, darling, no offense
Accept these funds as a gift!
I am an expert in healing
And the healer’s secret
I will open it to everyone on their birthday,
There is no more mystery in this!
(takes out a large head of garlic from the basket and introduces the first remedy):
Stupid grass, don't argue with me,
Eliminate any illness!
Eat the tops and roots,
To cleanse your intestines!
Unpleasant smell
Everyone will be thrown into a slight shock,
But you eat on principle
Stupid grass root!
(gives the birthday boy garlic and takes out the second remedy - horseradish or a jar of pureed horseradish, which you can buy in the store, introduces the second remedy):
So that there is no betrayal
And everything was amicable in the family,
Once a week this shit
You really need to eat at night!
He will immediately raise the tone
And it will take care of your chakra!
He, believe me, is a champion,
Compared to Viagra!
(he gives this remedy and takes out the third one - a bottle of vodka, on which you can write “Moonshine” in large letters, introduces it):
Sprinkle with living water
You need everything in your apartment!
This method is not easy,
But known throughout the world!
You first from the inside
Please your body with it
And then sprinkle it
All corners have their own water!
Dora, dora, tomato,
We caught a thief in the garden -
This is a small worm
Ate the barrel of the apple!
And we have a birthday girl
Gardener, just great!
She's always fine
Fruits, vegetables and garden beds!
That's why the question
We call the worm for interrogation:
Let him explain to the guests
Your excellent appetite!
(a man comes out dressed up as a worm, that is, you can put a very long green cap on your head, he greedily gnaws at an apple, then sings a song):
SONG OF A GARDEN PEST.
(to the tune “We are cheerful guys, we are October guys”)
I, friends, am a signaller,
Nitrate indicator!
If I eat an apple -
So everyone can eat!
I respect plum and pear,
I just love cherries!
Don't scold me in vain
I'm more useful than aphids!
Dear birthday girl!
Let me be in your garden
I'll find a job!
I'm a pest, but not harmful!
And this copper sulfate
I give you in reserve,
May he save the harvest from aphids!
Dear birthday girl!
One came to visit us
An unusual citizen!
He looks a little strange
He wants to say “thank you”
And now we’ll find out why.
Guest! We invite you!
(a man comes out with very large ears made of cardboard, foam rubber or sewn from something else, he sings a song to the birthday girl):
EARED SONG.
(to the tune of the song about Cheburashka “I was once a strange, nameless toy...”)
I was once strange
I ate semolina porridge,
That's why I grew such ears!
About fashionable diets
I found out from the newspaper
And immediately, foolishly, I applied it right away!
But one Sunday
Me for my birthday
Larisa invited me and I decided to go,
From delicious treats,
Have a nice experience
I couldn’t leave for a long, long time!
I gave up on my diet
I bought myself some candy!
Thank you, Larisa, I want to tell you
For inviting me
And fed me delicious food
After all, the ears have become cool again!
(removes his big ears and says a toast):
To consolidate my result,
I ask everyone to pour it now!
Dear birthday girl!
A guest has arrived from the East,
He is a famous doc in miracles!
He's on the carpet, so he can hurry up
Arrived for the Anniversary!
This is the well-known and amazing Old Man Hottabych!
(Hottabych comes out in a robe, a turban, with a long beard, with a rug under his arm. Folding his palms in an oriental manner, he bows to the birthday girl and says to her: “Hello, oh most beautiful of birthday girls!” Then he turns to the guests: “Hello, honorable guests! ” Spreads out the rug, sits on it, in Eastern bending his legs, and then says to the birthday girl):
KHOTTABYCH:
Oh, the light of my eyes! Incomparable and most beautiful birthday girl Antonina! I came here to fulfill all your deepest desires! But first, let me, my wisest, ask you a few wise questions!
(birthday girl allows)
KHOTTABYCH:
I listen and obey!
Oh, my most worthy! Please listen to my first question:
Is it possible to celebrate a birthday two days in a row?
(the correct answer is no, because there is night between them!)
Oh, my darling! My second question: what is given to the birthday girl, and people use it more often than she does?
(correct answer is name)
Oh, my wise one! And my third question: what fabric cannot be used to make a suit for a birthday girl?
(the correct answer is from the railway)
May there be peace and prosperity in your home, oh healing balm of my soul!
And now I will fulfill all your secret desires! And I will do this with the help of your honorable guests, O most beautiful of the beautiful! And so that the guests do not resist your wishes, I will pluck three hairs from my magic beard!
Listen and understand! (pulls out the first hair)
Fulfill all the wishes of the birthday girl! (pulls out second hair)
Let it be so, and not otherwise! (pulls out third hair)
(gets up from the rug, approaches the guests with an eastern bow and tells them):
KHOTTABYCH:
Oh, honorable guests! Now you will fulfill the wishes of the birthday girl by completing these simple tasks. Please, I am ready for anything, pull out each of your tickets!
(Hottabych takes a bag with numbers out of his pocket and the guests draw them out one by one, then Hottabych gives them a task one by one):
TASKS FOR GUESTS:
Kohl came to the Jubilee,
Drink some vodka quickly!
Have a glass of wine
For a rosy face!
Treat the neighbor on the left
Skillfully shoot a shot of vodka!
You, my friend, have the right
Give your friend a peck on the cheek on the right!
Give a compliment now
Birthday girl from us!
To make it more fun
Sing us a song quickly!
Good guests today,
Throw away your timidity,
Tell a joke
This is what the people expect from you!
We'll have fun
If you get up now
In the swallow position, my friend,
Give us a small toast!
We have a birthday girl
A sight for sore eyes, simply classy!
Come to her, hug her
And smile at all the guests!
Kiss the birthday girl
Just don’t spoil too much!
Well, and you, my friend, the wall
Kiss me with your back turned
Forget at least for a while
About your beloved chondrosis!
Describe a circle with your right foot,
Knocking on the tummy with my left hand,
At the same time, try to drink a glass,
You shouldn't spill a single drop!
Use modern jargon now
Confessing my love to the birthday girl,
My order is the strictest law,
Speak without hesitation!
(after completing all tasks Hottabych says):
KHOTTABYCH:
Oh, the most beautiful birthday girl! And now the main surprise that I have prepared for you!
To please your wonderful eyes and ears, as well as to bring joy to our distinguished guests, now my students will perform an oriental dance, not sparing their belly!
(After a short ringing, the door opens. A middle-aged woman stands there, dressed modestly, in a long skirt. In her hands are brochures and books. She quietly repeats the memorized text under her breath)
Woman: Hello, tell me, do you believe in God? If you are having difficulties in life, you don’t know who to turn to...
(At the same time, her head slowly rises. The woman screams and faints. A demon with horns and a trident in his hands is standing on the threshold. Loud music is heard from the apartment, a guy in an angel costume runs out)
Angel: Listen, of course, I understand everything, it’s Halloween, but let’s not open the door anymore, otherwise the third fainting spell in the evening is too much...
Please fill us up, but at a higher price, at least every day!
(There is a knock on the door, a man is standing on the threshold, an alcoholic opens it for him)
Neighbor: Listen, you're flooding us!
Alcoholic: (hiccupping) How long ago?
Neighbor: Of course, a long time ago.
Alcoholic: Why didn’t you come earlier?
Neighbor: Because before, high-quality whiskey flowed from my ceiling, but now only cheap port! Do something about it.
An experienced massage therapist doesn’t care who comes for treatments
There is a knock on the door and a healthy middle-aged man opens it. On the threshold, a woman in a tight dress with bright makeup sticks out her leg.
Woman: Well, dear, I’m coming to you.
Man: Of course, I understand that there would be a lot of work for me here, but you are unlikely to come to me.
Woman: What, am I really not suitable?
Man: No, what are you talking about, your brisket is really okay, legs and thighs too, although the sirloin part let us down, but that’s okay. The masseur doesn't care. His door is next door, you are mistaken.
Woman: Who are you then?
Man: I'm a butcher, madam.
If Stalin had the Internet in ancient times
(A guy with a laptop bursts into Stalin’s office and busily places it on the table)
Stalin: What is this?
Guy: Internet
Stalin: And what do I need it for?
Guy: What's that like? Everything is written about everyone here.
Stalin: Come on, tell me, when will the war end?
Guy: (entering a request) May 9 next year.
Stalin: Hmm, good date, spring, I should write it down. What about our nuclear development?
Guy: Wikipedia says that the development of the first atomic bomb will end only in 1949.
Stalin: Okay, we won't have to wait long. Well, is there anything about me there?
Guy: Of course there is, Comrade Stalin! It is written: Joseph Vissarionovich was a state leader until his death in 1953...
Stalin: Whaaaat? What kind of death? Shoot!
Guy: But why me? That's what it says on the Internet.
Stalin: Who's in charge?
Guy: But there is no main thing, everything is on its own.
Stalin: Security, exile him to the Urals, no computers or Internet!
(The guy is taken away)
Stalin: Look, what young people have gone. In itself they have everything. Now I’ll write to Lavrenty Pavlovich, let him shoot the hackers, stop the production of computers, and let him direct all his efforts to atomic development.
Stalin always keeps his word and is ready for decisive action
(Stalin sits at the table with his entourage, 6 people in total. He takes out a chess piece from his bosom)
Stalin: You all know that the situation in our country is not easy. Therefore, I decided to choose a successor from among you, in case of emergency. The one who takes this figurine will become him.
(She throws the chess set on the table, those close to her rush to her, except for one. After grunting and confusion, the winner stands up with the piece held high.)
Stalin: Ay, well done! Send everyone to exile in Siberia, and you will be their boss. Stalin always keeps his word. And you (points to the one who remained sitting) will be shot. For lack of initiative! Security, take everyone away!
The best funny scenes for a fun company
Read the classics and become a fatal seductress
(A modestly dressed woman, clearly educated and intelligent, addresses a consultant in a bookstore)
Woman: Please tell me, do you have anything...well...how can I say this...well, something on such topics, you know...very intimate and frank...advice in general?
Seller: Of course there is, here you go, “The Most best lessons sex: how to become a seductress."
Woman: I just have a daughter, she’s dating a boy. And they seem to be reading the classics, but don’t get me wrong, I’m a mother, and I’m worried.
Saleswoman: You would have said so right away, here you go!
(He takes out the volume “War and Peace.” The woman begins to leaf through the book, and among the pages we see packages of condoms. The woman looks at the saleswoman with wide open eyes, and she winks at her and nods)
What do young and old people buy in a bookstore?
(Scene in a bookstore. Cookery section)
Seller: Hello, how can I help you?
Buyer: Good afternoon. I'm looking for a book, it's called "About Tasty and Healthy Food."
Seller: You know, it is sold in two volumes. Which one do you need?
Buyer: Is there a fundamental difference?
Seller: Well, of course. The first volume is more often read by young people, it is called “About Tasty Food”, but the second volume is of interest to older people, it is called “On Healthy Food”.
Who will go to work and do things?
(Store scene cell phones. The seller demonstrates the latest phone models to the buyer)
Seller: Look, this model is very comfortable. This phone broadcasts everything you see directly to the Internet.
Buyer: What, and even from the bathroom?
Seller: Well, of course! Very cool, isn't it? But this model is suitable for those who really like to give likes. It has a keyboard that you can always carry with you, and a projector to see everything on any surface.
Buyer: Well, yes, and its price is appropriate, like a car...
Seller: Well, if this price doesn’t suit you, I can offer you a stunning model! There is everything, even a folding knife, a bill acceptor, a folding tent and a survival kit.
Buyer: How can I make calls from it?
Seller: Why would you call from him? This function was removed as unnecessary.
Buyer: No, this doesn’t suit me at all, goodbye.
Seller: No, wait! Most best option for you from the popular pear company! This phone can do everything, it will even go to work for you!
Dad can do anything and more
(A young guy comes to the pharmacy where his father works)
Guy: Dad, hi, today the guys and I are going to the cottage.
Dad: Ha-ha, yes, yes, son, I understand, do you need anything with you?
Guy: Well, yes, you remember what happened last time... Come on, so that now there is enough for everyone, otherwise the girls will start squealing that they have been ruined all the fun, and the guys won’t like this situation either.
Dad: Olesya! Bring the largest pack of condoms from the warehouse. (The queue is warily watching what is happening.) And also bring a couple of bottles of iodine and brilliant green.
Guy: Do you think this is enough?
Dad: This time there will definitely be enough balloons for everyone, go blow them up and color them!
What kind of old ladies are there in queues these days?
(A scene in a pharmacy. There is a huge line, a wizened old woman comes up from behind, looks at all the people, tries to squeeze through, but they don’t let her in. Then she calmly takes out a mask-hat, puts it on, then a gun appears from her purse)
Old lady: Everyone on the floor, don’t move! This is a robbery!
(The line falls to the floor with a squeal, the old woman takes off her mask and confidently approaches the cash register)
Old lady: I’d like a couple of bottles of Corvalol, please, and two packs of Validol. Look what kind of people they are, you can’t survive without a gun!
We entertain guests with original skits
Try these funny and short children's skits for 2 people.
Burglars can also make mistakes and mix up apartments
(The room is dark, two robbers suddenly appear, lighting their way with flashlights, talking in a whisper)
First: It seems that everything is correct. The apartment is good, there is something to live on.
Second: Well, yes, gold, dishes, that chandelier... just like at my house. The owner is clearly wealthy.
First: Look, the plasma is huge! I've always wanted one like this!
Second: Give up this plasma, they cost a penny now, but they work every other time, I have the same one at home.
(He comes up, presses the buttons, nothing happens)
He's not working either. Let's look for the safe.
First: Already found it. The castle is complicated, I've never seen anything like it, we'll be fiddling around for a long time.
Second: Long... long... Give it here. (Confidently types the code, the safe opens)
First: Look how clever you are with him, have you met anyone like him before?
Second: (Sighs) Turn on the light, come on.
First: Why?
Second: This is my safe. Turn it on, I say.
The first robber turns on the light and spreads his hands.
How can you quickly get to your doctor?
(A wife and her husband make their way to the dentist’s office. The husband has a swollen cheek bandaged. He mumbles and whines listlessly)
Husband: Well, look at the queue here, we definitely won’t get in today, let’s better go tomorrow.
Wife: Just wait, stop whining, now I’ll do everything.
Husband: Well, maybe it’s not necessary, I can be patient. It hurts less now, really, look.
Wife: I said that today means today. Wait.
(She pushes everyone away and breaks into the office, her voice can be heard from there)
Wife: What are you doing? Who taught you anyway? The instruments are completely dull, they are not disinfected, the assistant generally sleeps!
(Heart-rending female screams can be heard, the line to the office is slowly thinning, the husband sits white-faced, the wife leaves the office and addresses her husband in a hoarse voice)
Wife: Well, you see, I said that you will see a doctor today. Come on, come in. I’ll rush to the otolaryngologist, otherwise I’ve lost my voice.
When can hypnosis be useful in family life?
Option one:
(A woman enters a psychologist's office)
Woman: Hello. Last week my husband and I had a hypnosis session with you, remember? You also convinced him that he is a dog. So, this is still going on, can you help us?
Psychologist: I understand, bring him here, let’s return him to the image of a person.
Woman: No, you know, overall I’m happy with everything. The house is quiet, he is affectionate, plays with me, kisses me all the time, doesn’t drink, doesn’t watch football, doesn’t even plan to go fishing.
Woman: Make him stop dragging fleas from the street!
Option two:
(A man enters a psychologist's office)
Man: Hello. Last week my wife and I attended a hypnosis session with you. You convinced her that she is a cat, and this continues to this day. Can you help us please?
Psychologist: I understand, bring your wife here, let's return her to a human image.
Man: No, you know, in general, everything suits me. No screaming, no hysterics, I can easily drink beer with friends, she even let me go fishing.
Psychologist: And what is the problem then?
Man: Make her stop licking herself! And these hairballs are just disgusting!
Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish the patient from the psychiatrist
(The patient comes to see a psychiatrist)
Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality
Doctor: And who are they?
Patient: One is me, and the second is you.
Doctor: So, do both exist?
Patient: Well, of course!
Doctor: Well, you're probably sick. And what does the second personality tell you?
Patient: That I'm sick and that you don't exist.
Doctor: How can I not exist if this is me?
Patient: But according to your logic, one of us shouldn’t exist.
Doctor: Can you see me?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: And I see you. Yes, something is not well with me...
Patient: Then give me a certificate that I am healthy.
Doctor: Yes, of course. And come see me tomorrow. Both.
The perfect girl will become your best friend
(Scene in a therapist's office, a patient enters with a deflated rubber doll under his arm)
Patient: Hello, doctor, my girlfriend and I are having problems.
Doctor: Where is your girlfriend?
Patient: Well, there she is. Everything was wonderful before, but now she is somehow sad, drooping, and out of shape. I don't know what to do. First I was referred to a psychiatrist. But for some reason they tried to treat me, not her. But everything is fine with me. Help us please.
Doctor: But do you understand that your girlfriend is rubber? And I treat people, living people, you know?
Patient: Why is it worse?! Beautiful, well-groomed, modest and quiet. She agrees with everything, never gets on my nerves, puts on what I want, puts on makeup the way I like. She doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and has no friends. Doesn't change. Lets me drink beer and watch football.
(The doctor takes the doll, inflates it, returns it to the nervous patient)
Doll: Thank you. Honey, let's go to bed!
Patient: Thank you very much, I knew that you would help us!
Doctor: Eh, people are lucky. But I was a fool, I got married, and I remain a fool.
Dad: Hi son, guess what I have.
Son: I have no idea, but I can imagine
Dad: Well, what can I have? I’ll give you a hint: in winter and summer, use the same color.
Son: Face after drinking?
Dad: No, in green!
Son: Well, that’s what I’m saying, the face after drinking!
Dad: Son, that's enough! What is green in winter and summer?
Son: Oh, I know, they started giving you your salary in dollars!
Dad: Of course not! Well, son, such a plant!
Son (ironically): Not really a Christmas tree?
Dad (ironically mimicking): Yes, but how did you guess?
Son: It was very difficult, considering that you and I chose it together yesterday!
Dad: Okay son, let's set it up and dress it up. Where will we put it?
Son: I suggest going straight to the balcony so you don’t have to drag it later.
Dad: Well, no, that won’t do. Aren't you happy about the Christmas tree?
Son: I’m very glad, but I hope they won’t force me to dance around her!
Dad: Son, how can you say that? After all, the Christmas tree is a symbol of the New Year!
Son: Honestly, I’ve long wanted to ask: “Why is it needed at all?”
Dad: Why? So that Santa Claus puts gifts under it. Or do you want to go without gifts this year?
Son: It would be better if you gave the money you spent on the Christmas tree to Santa Claus. And maybe then a miracle would have happened and this year I would not have received the fifth encyclopedia about animals as a gift.
Dad (to himself): Wow, I was only thinking about the third one.
Dad (to son): Okay... but if we didn’t have a Christmas tree, where would Santa Claus put the gifts?
Son: I think the cactus in the living room is perfect for this purpose.
Dad: Well, putting gifts under the cactus, what are you doing? Don't make me laugh. Santa Claus puts gifts only under the Christmas tree.
Son: I think if you were forced to work on the night from 31 to 1, you would not only confuse a cactus with a Christmas tree, but also a fireplace with a microwave oven. So, is it in the living room? In the living room. Green? Green. Prickly? Prickly. That's it.
Dad: No, son! Santa Claus, he puts gifts only for good children and only under the Christmas tree!
Son: I don’t understand at all why Santa Claus flies here, all the way from the North Pole, just to move the gift from the closet with your panties under the Christmas tree? If he’s worried that I won’t find him, then he’s in vain!
Dad: Listen, I think that Santa Claus always gives encyclopedias about animals to overly curious children. So go to your room and play... reading the encyclopedia. (Son leaves)
Dad (to the audience): No, that won’t do anymore. My son doesn't believe in Santa Claus! Even grandfather in a sleeping robe and a red cap on his head can’t help! And anyway, how do I know what Santa Claus’s email is? In our time, everyone simply put letters in a box marked “Santa Claus” and that’s it. No, we need to do something. Now I’ll go and move the gift from the closet with my panties to the closet with his textbooks. He still doesn't look there! (Dad leaves)
Woman, then prepare holiday script, in which all guests will take part in scenes.
Funny scenes for a woman’s birthday will cheer up even the most serious guests, and the birthday girl will be interested in watching comic scenes of happy birthday.
Funny and cool mini-scenes for a woman’s birthday will be an excellent addition to the main gifts for the hero of the occasion.
Cool scene for a woman’s birthday “Congratulations from the baby”
Presenter:
Dear guests!
Now let’s remind the birthday girl about her childhood,
About her carefree time!
We have a guest who is without coquetry
He knows and will tell you everything about childhood!
(a plump man dressed up like a little girl runs out, jumping like a child, i.e. he has a big bow on his head, trousers with ruffles to the knee, some kind of child’s blouse, chanting “La-la-la, la-la- la”, stops in front of the birthday girl and sings a song in a childish manner, to the tune “A Christmas tree was born in the forest”)
Baby doll's song
I'm a little girl
I play and sing
(Name of the birthday girl), like candy,
I truly love it!
Everyone calls me baby doll
Everyone has their own taste!
Because of the big belly
Most likely I'm a baby doll!
In your favorite dress
I came to visit you,
To my beloved birthday girl
I brought a gift!
She sits smartly
I've gathered all the guests!
For this chocolate
There will be a medal for her!
(jumps up to the birthday girl and gives her a chocolate medal)
Funny birthday scene “Hunter and Hares”
A hunter with a gun runs into the hall. You can imagine that according to the scenario he will skate on skis, for example, on roller skis. He has a hat with earflaps on his head and a sweatshirt on his body.
Hunter, addressing the birthday girl:
So I got here,
At least I was a little out of breath.
Pour a glass to drink,
The neck should be moistened.
I was gone for a long time
But there is one reason for this.
I still couldn’t catch the gift,
Although he rushed after them as fast as he could!
But, thank God, I have a gun,
And I used it.
So - a gift! Come in!
And show us your song!
Bunnies (guests in disguise) enter the hall. Naturally, if they are in costumes like at matinees, it will be even funnier.
The hares come out and start singing a song to the tune of the song “But we don’t care.”
Song:
We'll sing today
We'll dance today
Just for you
Just for you.
On this glorious day,
Your name day
We congratulate you,
And these are the words:
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
We have a matter
At this festive hour,
We shout to you
Be happy!
And all the guests are drunk,
And all the guests are in a frenzy,
From your beauty
You can't take your eyes off them.
Congratulations,
Congratulations with songs
And we sing faster,
Cool words:
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
All your friends have gathered here now.
We have a matter
At this festive hour,
We shout to you
Be happy!
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
We shout loudly
We congratulate you.
Happiness to you
It will be...oh-ho-ho!
We shout to you
Be happy!
Cool mini-scene for a woman's birthday
Presenter:
Dear birthday girl!
One came to visit us
An unusual citizen!
He looks a little strange
He wants to say “thank you”
And now we’ll find out why.
Guest! We invite you!
(a man comes out with very large ears made of cardboard, foam rubber or sewn from something else, he sings a song to the birthday girl):
Ushastika's song(to the tune of the song about Cheburashka “I was once a strange, nameless toy...”)
I was once strange
I ate semolina porridge,
That's why I grew such ears!
About fashionable diets
I found out from the newspaper
And immediately, foolishly, I applied it right away!
But one Sunday
Me for my birthday
(Name of the birthday girl) invited me and I decided to go,
From delicious treats,
Have a nice experience
I couldn’t leave for a long, long time!
I gave up on my diet
I bought myself some candy!
Thank you, (name of the birthday girl), I want to tell you
For inviting me
And fed me delicious food
After all, the ears have become cool again!
(removes his big ears and says a toast):
To consolidate my result,
I ask everyone to pour it now!
Sketch for a woman’s birthday “Three girls under the window”
Leading:
Three girls under the window
Spinning late in the evening
And they didn’t spin so much,
How much they grind with the tongue!
1st girl:
We've become somewhat bored!
Shouldn't we go, girls?
Should we have guests today?
Leading: Then the second one picked it up...
2nd girl:
It wouldn't be a sin to drink!
But where should we go?
That they would accept us all?
Leading:
The third didn’t guess for a long time,
The eyes became more cheerful...
3rd girl:
Shouldn't we go, girls?
Together for everyone's anniversary?!
Leading:
And let's all go to you
Celebrate birthday.
Now don’t be surprised -
They will congratulate you.
1st girl:
We congratulate the heroes of the day from the bottom of our hearts.
We have gifts for you
They are very good!
2nd girl:
So that illness does not take you -
We present this salt.
Don't use it as a seasoning
And on the crown of the box.
From diseases of everyone
It helps, they say! (handed a pack of salt)
3rd girl:
You with this very gift
Don't worry, don't be sad!
Slowly in your bathhouse
Rub every place! (handed a washcloth or sponge)
1st girl:
On this bright, glorious day
We congratulate you!
And with all my heart
We dedicate the dance!
A short funny scene for a woman’s birthday “Medical examination”
One of the guests plays the roles of a doctor and an assistant, and the birthday girl, of course, is a patient.
After a short inspection, flavored with funny jokes, “ medical staff" is removed for a meeting.
A few minutes later the “medical workers” return, and the “doctor” has a Sheet with a diagnosis in his hands. The doctor announces the medical indications:
Passport details.
Age: blooms and smells.
Pulse: beats over the edge, difficult to measure.
Blood type: red cells in excess, real blood with milk.
Heart rate: sometimes calm, sometimes freezing from excitement or delight, in at the moment indicates complete happiness.
Hearing: universal, suitable for everyday use.
Vision: helps you notice the positive even in small things.
Sense of smell: helps to accurately determine where the wind is blowing, but the nose reacts only to representatives of the stronger sex.
Diseases: for some strange reason, it can go into hibernation after a hearty lunch or dinner. The same symptoms are observed while watching TV.
Final conclusion: the patient has just begun to live, it is urgent to get out of life everything that has been passing by until now, and also learn to enjoy everyday activities.
Try this easy-to-perform skit - it is usually a lot of fun for young viewers.
3 participants: mother, son and robot. Starting position: the robot stands with its arms wide apart, mother and son are on the sides of the robot, slightly in front of it (so that the robot’s palms are not far from their heads).
Son (pointing to the robot): Oh, who is this?
Mom: It's a robot. He knows how to distinguish whether a person is telling the truth or deceiving. For example, tell me, what grades did you get at school today?
Son: Five!
Boom! (the robot pretends to slap its son on the head).
Mom: So you told a lie. So what did you actually get?
Son: Four.
Boom! (the robot slaps his son on the head again)
Mom: Not true again. What did you get?
Son: Well, three...
Boom! (again a slap on the head).
Mom: Tell the truth! What did they give you?
Son (sighing): two.
The robot strokes his son's head.
Mom: Oh, you! And at your age, I studied straight A’s and never lied to my parents!
Boom! Boom! (now mom is getting two slaps on the head!)
Good reasons
Funny school scene.
Characters: teacher, student - Ilya Arkhipov and student - Anechka Beletskaya. Students distribute their remarks at their own discretion, for example, answering the teacher in turn.
The teacher enters:
- Hello, guys! Thank you for coming...Why are there so few of you today?
He opens the magazine and begins the roll call:
- Arkhipov?..
- Here…
— Hello, Ilya, good to see you. Belyakov?..
- What are you talking about, Alevtina Ivanovna! Only the second lesson! He comes to the third!
- Ah! Yes, yes...
- Golubev?..
- Golubev studies at the institute on Tuesdays, in the commercial one, in his third year...
- Beletskaya?.. Anya! Are you here?
- Yes, but only after this lesson I’m leaving - we’re flying to Turkey today.
- Okay, okay...
— Kvitantsev?
— He can’t come, his car has broken down.
- But he lives in the next house?
- He’s stressed... He’s worried...
- Malinin?..
— Malinin has an exemption from exams. Why does he need to go to school?
- Parkhomenko?..
— Parkhomenko’s leg hurt, and Sergeev, Khorev and Frolova went to see the doctor to see him off...
- Yakovlev?..
- Still sleeping. He came yesterday!
- Well, okay - it turns out that everyone good reasons. Let's write down the topic of the lesson...
Then the bell rings and all the students run out of the classroom.
The teacher speaks to the audience:
- I didn’t have enough time today...
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